my lil world

lalalalala

2009-11-12T21:17:00.002+08:00

yuhuuuu
i am here blogginggg !
today was a very good day for me !
its snowinnngggg !
i love snowwww :D
except for the super-cold weather ):
anyway
today was a quite good day for me :D
cos today i realise that
there is no homework at all !
lawl
i was sooo happy to find out that there is no homeworks today xDD
and today i also realise 1 thing that has been blocking my road to success: computer
this is a good computer indeed,
but it has been preventing me to focus on my real life .
instead, i am being too focused to the world inside this computer .
i have to change change change !
for the better of me !
:D
gogogogo nic
u can do it !
and i dont know why
lately i really like to do the cleaning .
when i clean something i feel refreshed
hahahahhahaha
and i am soon gonna clean my room !
lalallaa ~
so happyyyyy ~
and tomorrow is the last day of school !
weekends kuai lai ba ~
i really need my good sleeppp ~~
cos i have not been having a good, quality sleep lately .
so i should get myself 1 during the weekends ~
:D
kk im off to clean my room .
c u all in the next post ! :D

yoyoyoy !

2009-11-08T21:19:00.002+08:00

im back blogginggg !
cos i have nothing really meaningful to do (at least its better than ironing my shirts xD)
anyway
i am here to write some news about my life
i will be dancing for the christmas celebration on 15th of november !
but i still dont know what to do .
as i dont have any picture of what we are going to really do .
anyway
i have been feeling lonely without my gf these days ):
i really miss her .
but i cant do anything much
cos we have broke up .
its a pity
cos i believe that our relationship actually have a bright future .
but i dont know how to say it .
i just cant continue with her .
aghhhhhhhhh
i really miss u
T___________T
but i have to b strong in this kind of situation .
cos i am actually being trained this way .
damn
its hard to do this .
i feel like crying at times .
but i cant
i have to learn to be joyful in even i am in not a situation to do so .

anyway .
i dont know if u will read this .
but 1 thing that i want to tell u through this :
i am really sorry for i have not been a good boyfriend for u .
and i rarely (or even never) say i love u to u .
but 1 thing i want u to know :
i never meant to break ur heart .
through all the things that we have been through,
i realise that i actually love u .
but i really cant be with u for some reasons .
please forgive me .
and i am sure that u will definitely find another man that's more worthy of u .
not such a coward like me .

i love u .

nic .

idk

2009-11-01T22:49:00.001+08:00

i dont know myself .
who am i ?
what do i actually want ?
i dont know the reason to those things .

something's wrong

2009-10-31T02:11:00.002+08:00

yoooooo
i am back blogginggg !
the first day of my busy weekend has just past .
it was a fun and super tiring day tho D:
but i am happy todayy
cos i managed to be closer to God today :D
i am soo damned happy
hahahahha

anyway
i believe that tomorrow is gonna be an even more fun day .
and i have started my diet today ! :D
i hope i will have the determination to do some physical exercise tomorrow :D
i must be slimmer in like
1 month time ?
i dont even know if it is possible, but i will not know unless i take my very first step to do it .

okayy
anyway i have no more energy to both think and write anything .
so i will stop here :D
c u alll
(if there's any reading this)

nite
nic .

heyaaaaaaa

2009-10-30T00:09:00.002+08:00

im back bloggingggg ppl !
(it feels as if im talking to no one tho xDD)
anywayy
i am here to update a few things that have happenned in my life :D
i will be busy this weekend .
i'll accompany budi ( my tong zuo ) tomorrow .
we will be going to xidan to give someone a maths tuition !
imagine me being a teacher .
LOL
and i will be having 'doa semalam ceria' with my church friends .
i wonder how it will be
cos it will be my first time going to attend 'doa semalam ceria'
its gonna be praising, and worshipping God, which will be followed by praying together .
i guess it will be a fun, yet tiring day tomorrow .
but i have to keep the fire burning yaw !
never say die ! >:D

and then, on saturday, i will be going to some event held by permit, an inonesian-only organization created by the indonesian embassy (i guess?)
its gonna be from 10 am to 3 pm .
and my church friends are going to perform !
and yes, i will be there to give them my support of course :D

and then, the following sunday,
i will be on duty as usher for the second time !
its good being an usher, tho i made a few minor mistakes during my first time serving the church as an usher last two weeks .
i have to make up for the minor mistakes that i did last two weeks .

i am really surprised to find that my schedule is getting busy .
but i am also happy at the same time .
cos i am going to experience many new things !
i am very excited :D

i really wanted to learn,
how does this world works .
and how does an organization works .
and how does various things takes place .
and when the time come,
i will make a summary of all the things that i have learnt
and use those list of summary to make my very own organization .
where i will be the leader
cos to be a good leader, and a good example to everyone, including someone older than me is my dream .
and i have to work hard to obtain it .
and i know i can do it cos God is strengthening me .

anyway .
my gf has made it to the top 10 in her class .
and not only that, she is also in the top 40 for the whole level in her school .
i am so proud of her :D
i wonder what should do to celebrate this . .
maybe by having a bottle of beer ? =p
nah i cant drink that anymore
cos i am very fat right now
and drinking beer will only make things worse .
anyway
im starting my diet from tomorrow !
i have to be slimmer !

and i have been thinking .
i am actually losing myself
i dont know why
but somehow
i realized that
the me now is not the me i used to be
i am not comfortable with the me now
cos the way i am now is way too sux
i was actually able to gain enough determination to do every responsibility that has been given to me
but what am i right now ?
just a rubbish
who can just eat, sleep, play, and wasting my parent's money .
what does actually happenning to me ?
why am i losing myself ?
i really wish to get out of this situation .
i hate the me now .
the me now is nothing more than just a mere pig .
i gotta change !

nic .

yooooooooooooo

2009-10-27T09:42:00.002+08:00

:D
morning worlddddddddddddddddd !
i have been wanting to blog since two days ago
but i couldnt manage to find a time to do it .
but nowww !
i am blogging !
hahahahhaha
i am here to update about my life, of course .
and a few things that i have been thinking these days .
hmm
my life so far is good good .
except im getting more n more bored as each day pass .
and i realize that
my english is getting sux !
omg
i gotta find a way to improve it .
and i was having my mid-semester examination yesterday .
and it was good :D
n today
im gonna have the last of examination
finally
some of the weight on my shoulder will be gone :D

as for the things that i have been thinking these days . .
i have been thinking that
i am actually becoming more n more fat !
n more ignorant as well
which is not good at all .
i gotta find a way to reduce my weight
and not being ignorant .
and i have found the roots of all my problems : laziness .
and this laziness is caused by :
eating too much
not enough sleep
and playing computer-logging in to facebook for a long time .
soo
i have to solve these 3 problems in short time .
the shorter the better .
cos i dont wanna look like a pig in front of my gf .
i will embarrass her if i walk with her with my current looks .
hahaha
anyway
i dont think im gonna meet her for this 1 year .
cos our schedule doesnt seems to 'bentrok' .
hahahhahaha .
(indonesian only =p)

okayyy
now i have to go to have my exam !
i am determined to do well this time !
c u all on the next post :D
(if there's any reading this blog)

nic

jealousy . lust . determination . goal .

2009-10-19T22:48:00.002+08:00

hiiiiiiiiii
im in the mood to update my blog !
hahahahhaha
i dont know why
i have been thinking a lot a lot a lot !
and i have just realised
that the me now is sooo damned sux !
i have grown more lazy
more ignorant
especially towards my appearance and studies
omg
this is so not good .
i gotta change for the better asap !

cos its not good to keep on going like this .
cos in order for me to get what i want
it wont do any good if i keep going in my current state
i must change !

and i have been thinking
what keeps me determined to achieve my goal all these time ?
and i came into one conclusion :
jealousy and lust .
i have been wanting to be like another person .
yes or even better than anyone else .
cos it just ticks me off whenever i see someone better than me .
i am jealous of them .
i want to be as good as them .
cos i have not been doing much significance on my own .

i want to be richer than any of my friends .
i want to be better looking than any of my friends .
i want to be smarter than any of my friends .
i want to have more skills than my friends .
and the list can go on till the next morning .

and i lust for more n more things .
thats why i am not satisfied with everything that i did until today .
and that also explain why i am still determined to achievve my goal, even until today .

but in the bible, it taught us not to be jealous of other, and we must not lust of anything in this world .
so i have no idea of what should i do
cos what have been pushing me to be determined is lust and jealousy .
lust + jealousy = determination to achieve my goals .

i wonder..
wish God will give me an answer to my doubts .
cos i have been doubting too many things .

its very hard to make those things gone away from me .
cos i have been too used to it .
my rock-hard will not to lose to any of my friends .
and my lust to have a lot of money .
its really hard to put my ambition below God's purpose in me .
and i have been struggling to do it .
but still, i cant do it today .
maybe tommorow ?
next month ?
next year ?
next decade ?
i dont know
but i know 1 thing for sure
nothing is impossible when God is with u !
so keep the fire burning yaww !

kk
i gotta stop here .
i am starting a 11 o'clock-must-sleep with my gf .
so i should sleep exactly at 11 o' clock
and so is she . xD
its a good way to actually train us to manage our own time .
and of course for healthier body and mind ! :D
okay im gonna stop right here .
sooo
c u all on the next post !
nite :D

nic .

nothing to do

2009-10-18T23:09:00.002+08:00

yooooooooo nobody !
since its been a long time since the last post here
i decided to post something !

well
nothing much happenned these days actually
except i have become an usher in my church !
yayyy
i really wish i can be closer to God
but i must learn to watch my tongue first
cos i never seem to be able to control my vulgarity .
hahaha .

anyway
dunnoe what else to say
im just here to brag that i have become an usher
and im proud of it =p
wishing that God will take me to another level .
nite people
^^

yawww

2009-10-14T18:28:00.002+08:00

its been too long since the last time i update this pile of junk here :D
so im gonna update some of my not-so-good life
lately i have been addicted to katekyo hitman reborn comic !
hahahhaha
its one of a hellishly fun comic
and i cant wait to read its next episode !
it inspires me to dress more classy
not like those shitty styles i have been having lately
dress like a mafia !
black tuxedo + black tie + long sleeves shirt + black pants
omg
so damn classic .
soo cool mannn
@___________@
i sooo want to buy black tuxedos and those stuffs
but the prob is
im out of fucking moneyyy !
hahahahahha
i guess ive got to bear with it
anyway
today i had instant noodles as lunch .
if only i can do this eceryday without getting sick,
i will definitely able to save some money .

anyway
i have been determined lately
and somehow
i am now beginning to see this world in a more complex way,
not as simple as it was
which i think is good !
cos i wont be a simpleton anymore this way
and i really wish i could see more complex-ness in simple things :D
cos by doing that i will be able to take advantage over those simple things :D

and i will definitely use it !
to make tons of moneyy
hahahahahhaa
and i have realised too
that too much talk is not gonna bring me anywhere
just like how im talking in this blog
about all my theories
im gotta do something !
not just making theories up !
gogogooooooooooooo !
live to its fullest !

tiredtiredtired

2009-10-06T10:52:00.000+08:00

yoooo ppl !
(if there's any reading this)
im backkk
after 2 weeks of not blogging
cos china seems to have blocked vidalia
but now i am back blogging !
hauhahauahuaha
its all thanks to henry for giving me the software :D
gotta thanks him alot
hahahah

anyway i just attend a retreat with my church on the 1st to 3rd of oct
and now im having my boring holidays
its not bad tho
cos i can finally rest my body
while my gf is having her exams, i am relaxing here =p
good luck for ur exams beb xD
please remember ur promise .
im serious about it .

anyway
i dont really have anything to do right now
and tomorrow im gonna colour my hair !
im thinking of colouring it brown so that it looks more elegant
:D
no more blondes or any other eye-catching colours
its gonna make me look too flashy ):
anyway i have no more idea of what to write right now .
soo
see u all on the next post ! (if there's any reading this xD)

c u all (:

lalala ~

2009-09-22T20:23:00.000+08:00

im back bloggingggg
after a long break of writing a new post because of some technical problems,
finally here i am
blogging
although its been more than a month since the last post (or so . . or am i exaggerating ? o____o)
anyway
i have been too stressed these days .
i have to memorise a list of fucking vocabulary each day .
and each list will contain at least 40 words
and i have to remember
what does that word called,
and how to write it
and so on and on .
and its chinese !
yeah mann .
chinese .
despite of having the most natural resource in the world, they are also the most dumb country that ever existed .
they dont even have alphabets, where korea, which is very popular right now, have .
although they both have something similar, which is
both of them wrote their words in such a way that it does not look the same as how we pronounce them .

i started regretting taking the intensive course once more .
but i cant regret just yet !
cos i am still not the most stupid person in the class .
so i should start working hard on my chinese language .
i want to impress my parents
and want to b a good role model for my siblings .
and i must be used to be a good role model
as im gonna b a leader in many places .
especially in my family (well, not now, but when i have married)
i must be a good example for everybody
cos i seem to have been eaten in my own satisfaction
that i have been neglecting everything,
literally everything .
whether its my studies,
my relations with other people,
and my looks !
lawl
my gf yesterday told me this :
''u have gotten fatter''
lawl !
omgomgomgomg
and i have been speaking bad words without thinking twice ever since the new semester begins !
what should i do yaaaaaaaaa
zz
its not proper for a man to do not know what to do .
cos a true man should know what to do, and what he do .

ahhhh
damn
i wish i could dance .
bboying was a good way to release stress
and it also is a good way to build my body, therefore reducing my body fats xD
but it is not possible right now
i will get too worn out after the numerous classes in the intensive course .
shit .

anyway
i really should stop complaining .
complaining wont do any good .
i better do something that will make some sense rather than complaining
hahahha .

if that's so then why would i write this pile of shit here ?
damn
damn
damn
i hate this mind
this mind
who keeps on challenging on almost
everything
damnnnnnnn
mind, stop challenging !
its good if i can find a solution to the challenge,
but in this case,
my mind has challenged too many things .

and i cant solve all of them at once, u my fucking mind .

anyway
i should stop here
i could really lost in my thoughts if i continue .
so c u all in the next more fun post !
(if there's any people reading this tho xD)

nite

nic .

yoooooooooo

2009-09-12T00:07:00.000+08:00

yooohoooooooooooo
its been ages since the last time i update this pile of junk here :D
i was releasing my stress on my last post
so i should give some update about my life on this post .
currently my life has been
good
too good to be true
except for my lack of good quality rests
hahaha
ive gotta get myself more n more sleep
cos i think my body is getting weaker n weaker these days .

anyway
im too tired to write of anymore shits right now
so im gonna stop here
and just go to bed .
nite all .

nic .

fuck .

2009-09-03T23:21:00.002+08:00

i damn hate people who keeps on getting in other people's business .
who is a busybody
who always wants to know what are other people planning .
and interrupting it .
all i want to say is fuck you .
i wont go anywhere nearer to u .
n when i do, i will just keep quiet .
i wont share anymore of my secrets to u .
its a very good solution .

i hate it very much when a person who does not actually know me, says that he/she knows me inside out .
make sure u have lived with me long enough before u say that sentence .
thank you for giving me this experience .
i just know that there is such people like u .
go fuck off and take care of ur life first
before u get into other people's business .

fuck u n thank u .

love is confusinggggg ! ;D

2009-09-01T12:55:00.001+08:00

aku cinta dia + mau tapi malu by gita gutawa .
really describe my situation right now ;D

fucking angry + tired .

2009-08-31T22:51:00.002+08:00

i am fucking desperate right now
despite a mere 5-hour sleeps that i have had these few days,
everybody seems to have always been pissing me off .
i feel like swearing a lot of people these days .
class has started,
and although it was fun, but still
i can't seem to get over my anger
it has been overwhelming me .
i really want to scold people right now
but i cant
cos there is no one to scold .
lawl .
fuck .
its all that i can say right now
im damn tired .
i want to neglect my responsibilities
and just enjoy myself
sleep all day
but for some fucking odd reasons
i cant get to sleep once i have awakened .
and the qualities of sleep i have been having is low .
which results in
headache + anger + stress + other useless rubbish
damn .
i just wish
i could go to sleep
for 24 hours !
so that i will be fully recharged .
ready to tackle any assignments thrown at me .
but what about now ?
a mere 5 hours of sleep each day !
and i cant get to sleep
before the midnight .
great !
and it takes me too damn long ot get to sleep
like about 1 hour of lying down on the bed .
and then i can get my fucking low-quality sleep .
what the fuck
god please,
i beg of u
give me some miracles .
i really need to recharge my body's fuel
its sucks to not to have enough sleep .
and the pity is,
MANY PEOPLE DON'T EVEN REALISE THAT THEY DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH OF QUALITY SLEEPS .
WTF man ?
u r stressed for no reason ?
u get stressed too easily ?
everything have been pressuring u too damn fucking easily ?
its all because of ur LACK OF QUALITY SLEEP, BITCHES .
it aint no because u have too damn much assignments or what,
its because u never really get urself enough sleep,
a really good one .

damn
and now why the fuck am i saying these rubbish ?
i should really take care of my own self 1st before taking care of others
fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk .

wow
lets count how many fucks have i written :
.
.
.
nah im too lazy to scroll over here and there and search for the fucking 'fuck' word .
i really am too tired to do anything right now .
but here i am,
writing this pile of junk here .
just to let my emotions out
cos i cant actually let it out in the real world
im gonna make a lot of people disappointed
and its not good for me too .

sucks .
sometimes i wish i could do whatever i want in this world without any consequences coming to me .
i have been trying to embrace my fucking-so called- beautiful world .
but what does it do to me ?
it FUCKING DISAPPOINT ME .
so what am i embracing my life for ?

sucks .
i also damn hate the fucking money in this world .
although i understand very well that
more money = more power,
but still,
it will make u become crazier n crazier about it .
cos there will definitely people who will have more money than u
(it does not apply for the richest man in thte world tho)
but it does affects A MERE LOWLIFE LIKE ME .
whose life is controlled by money,
in which, not me, who is controlling my life .
who gets the more money, he will get everything .
i have been trained in a world like this .
and i DAMNED HATE THIS KIND OF WORLD .
why cant we just live happily,
helping each other,
no problems,
and we will all live happily
from the day we were born,
till the day we kiss the ground and die .
but instead,
money makes it all not possible !
great isn't it ?
because of the damned money,
people kills .
which one is more important ?
money ? or a live of a beautifully designed human being ?
some fools will choose money over it .
their mind has been corrupted .
and they thinks that people who thinks the opposite way are naive
great !
i am going mad living in a world like this
hahahahahahhahahahaha
fuck u all .

okay
i guess i have gone a tad overboard here .
maybe i should stop
and continue this chunk of trash here someday .

mellowwwww

2009-08-29T01:56:00.002+08:00

hi all (if there's any)
i am back blogging !
cos i cant sleep
so i decide to blog a little xD
my life has been casual
nothing really special has happenned to me
except my big change in sleeping hours
ive been sleeping for an average of 6 to 7 hours per day
and ive been sleeping later than usual
which is not good at all !
i must change my sleeping habits asap .

and for some reason
i dont know why
lately i have been feeling sad
and feels like crying
is it because of homesick ?
is it because ive been missing someone ?
is it because i have been wasting my time doing nothing useful ?
is it because i have not been having enough sleep so that i am unconsciously stressed ?
or what ?
i really have no idea right now
i really want to cry
let this sadness out from my mind
but on the other side
i cant cry
i dont know why
but i feel like my tears just wont come out

anyway
classes are starting soon
so i should get myself ready for it ~
omg
its been a damn long time since the last time i used "~"
xDD
i need to regain my self control
it is very important y'know
to be able to control urself :D

okay
i guess i will stop here for today
i know my blog is getting more n more lousy ):
cos i dont know why
i have become less expressive
i dont know if this is the first sign of being logical or not,
but i hope it is .

c u all in the next post
nic will never die ! >:D

yihaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

2009-08-17T22:18:00.002+08:00

finally i got myself the time to blog !
well actually its not 'got myself the time'
bt i blogged because i have nothing better to do
so i decided to blog a little xD
anyway
my life these days
have been normal
and i bought a new laptop yesterday !
vaio vgn-fw45gj
woohoooo
its cool tho
cos it has a quite good graphics
although its quite expensive (it cost about 1,400 US$)

anyway
i watched gazette videos
and i feel sux
i dont ever wanna watch any of them anymore
cos their videos seems always
make my old self come out
which is a lot of trouble for me

anyway
im trying my best to not to be naive right now
cos by being naive it is actually killing my self
cos there will definitely be alot of people who will make use of people who are naive
soo
i must not be naive !
anyway
i guess i'll stop here for today
cos i cant seem get myself under control
hahahha
got a lil high cos of something =p

c u all in the next post ~! (if there's any reading this)
nic .

madness

2009-08-12T15:01:00.002+08:00

yuuuhuuuuuu (if there's any ppl here)

my life lately is good

but i have been addicted to a facebok game .

so-called kung-fu pets

hahahaha

at first, i just played it for fun

but when i realize how easy it was to lvl up, i become addicted .

cant help it, can i ?

hahahah

every game is made to make its player addicted anyway

anyway

ive been thinking alot lately

and i realize that

i am getting more n more easy to get angryt

omg

is this normal ?

when i have been normally easy going

but now i got angry way too easily

i fear that this will actually affect the future me .

and what kind of future im gonna have .

all i want is just to have a happy life, and tons of money .

but i am afraid that it will not be possible

cos in order to have a happy life, i must make everyone around me feels comfortable with me

so we can therefore have fun and be happy together (which is not possible if i keep getting angry) but on the other side, this thinking is too naive as there will surely be A LOT of people trying to make use / take advantage of someone who is easy going . therefore, i dont know what should i do . suggestion, anyone ?

whereas in the other side, to have tons of money

i must show the people around me that i am not nothing

which i think

is not possible if u do not show ur power sometimes

and what i think by showing my power is being angry

LOL

i know this is a wrong mindset

but i dont know why

for some reason i cant help it

i gotta change

really really gotta change this habit .

anyway

these are the main thoughts that have been stressing me these days

i am confused about this world, and i hope

that someday

i will find the answer to those questions

and when i find the answers to those questions, i am sure

that all my dreams will be accomplished

and i will be more than glad to teach it to my children in the future (i am talking like i am 30-something . LOL)

kk gonna stop here

im goin to play kung-fu pets somemore !

c u all in the next post ! :D

nic ~

hiiiiii

2009-08-10T00:04:00.002+08:00

hii alll (if there's any reading this)

today is my 1st month anniversary with her

hihihi

nothing much happenned between us actually

cos we are in a long distance relationship

damn

so i cant do much about it -3-

but

an anniversary is still an anniversary

so i should at least say :

happy 1st anniversary to my ''beb''

hahahhaha

actually i'd hate to call her ''beb''

bt nvm

i'll let loose for that 1

xDD

anyway

aside from that,

my baby is finally talking more than the time when we just started our relationship !

it made me uber happy xDD

at least now i know that im in a relationship with a human, not a doll xD

i love her more than yesterday now =p

kk not gonna talk too much .

i think my blog is losing readers,

so any of u,

someone, somewhere in this world .

if u r reading my blog,

dont forget to tag me ok ?

gd nite y'all

nic .

smangattttttttt !

2009-07-27T22:38:00.003+08:00

ive been thinking about it ~

if u have done nothing wrong u should not be afraid of anything !

believe in urself

gotta thank God .

He has given me an answer to my problems

and that was the answer

really thank God .

while i was listening to this song by hillsong : the time has come

suddenly it stroke me

that why am i so stressed and afraid

when i have done nothing wrong ?

woohoooo

yeah mannnnnn !

i know my God is leading me !

i'll just go by His will !

here's the lyric of the song that brought my hopes back :

hope it will do the same if some of u are facing troubles :)

Found love beyond all reason

You gave Your life Your all for me And called me Yours forever

Caught in the mercy fallout

I found hope found life Found all I need

You're all I need

The time has come

To stand for all we believe in

So I for one am gonna Give my praise to You

Today today it's all or nothing

All they way The praise goes out to You

Yeah all the praise goes out to You

 Today today I live for one thing

To give You praise In everything I do

Yeah all the praise goes out to You

All we are is Yours

And all we're living for Is all

You are Is all that You are Lord

fuck

2009-07-27T22:15:00.000+08:00

i hate hate hate hate hate

damn

i regret coming back to indo

fuck it

yuhuuu

2009-07-23T22:11:00.002+08:00

yuhuuuuuuuuuuu (if there's any ppl xD)
its been a longggggggggggg time
since the last time i wrote a new post :D
so im gonna add some 'colours' to this blog
by posting a new post !
lol
anyway
now im at indo
and im goin to puncak tmr
haahaha
its gonna b fun !
its been very fun at indo
but upsetting as well
as my family has been pissing me off these days
im nt gonna tell any of my family probs here
they also need privacy =p
i wish to go back to china faster
but i also dont wish to go back there
so i dunnoe what the hell do i actually want
xDD

anyway
ive been missing some ppl here in indo
my friends at singapore,
i miss singapore too (unexpectedly xD)
its just sooooo much fun having my holiday at singapore
though it was just for 1 week
but i have real fun !
haha
i love sg :x

and i especially miss my dearrrrrr
at sgggggggg
i miss u damn much
hahahhaa
but i can do nothing much about it
lol !
so i'll just bear this feeling and move with my life
cos i know im gonna b with her someday :)
if i knew im gonna miss her this much
i would've asked to stay in sg for a little longer
xDD
time flies soooo fast in sg (as always)
1 week feels like 3 days
and 3 days feels like 1 day
LOL
anyway
lets stop talking about sg

ive been reflecting these days
im not as fun as i used to b )):
why ?
cos im starting to get serious with my life
i dont want to make any mistakes in the future
and im not as naive as i was
all i want was just to have fun
but now
im startin to think of my future more
what kind of job will i have ?
what kind of family will i have ?
what kind of person i will be ?
will i b successful in the future ?
will i reach my desired income ?
will i become a good leader in my family ?
etc etc
those kind of questions keep haunting me everyday
without fail
lol
and the more i think about it
the more i realise
how little time i have
and i should not waste any of them
some of the things that my parents said become more relevant to me now
but i aint gonna listen to them
i'll just take their mistakes
and learn from them
i wont do what they say
cos i know what is best for me
and only me who truly understands me
cos they always limit me in everything i do
when i believe,
the more things i do
the more one of the things i did will make me successful
but they dont understand that
but well
couldnt blame them
they want the best for me
but what they think is the best for me
may not be the best for me :D
anyway
im gettin lazy to write anything
hahaa
its been quite a while since i write a long post
thx for readin ya'll (if there's any xD)
its time to get back to facebook ~ xD

nite
nic .

gooooooo

2009-07-17T00:20:00.002+08:00

yoyoyo ppl ! (if there's any)

im in indo right now

so my friends in indo (if there's any tt remember me xD)

lets have fun !

i really miss sg tho

i want to come back there and have some more fun

1 week was not enough for me to enjoy sg

should have stayed for 2 weeks xD

but its gonna cost too much money for me ):

anyway

i managed to find myself a girlfriend =p

guess im lucky enough to get her

hahaaa

im hopin that this relationship is gonna last very longgggggggg

im tired of the frequent changing of gfs -.-

just want to stick to 1 and thats it

nt gonna look for another 1

hahahaa

too tired to think

too tired to write

anyway

im thinking of how to be more successful person

and i really have to use more of logics rather than feelings

to be a successful person

and of course a lot of luck

and a bit of skill

hahaa

go go nic !

ur gonna make it someday

to b a successful person

never give up is the key :D

theres nothing in my head now

so im gonna stop here

and go to sleeppp

another boring day is waiting for me tomorrow

hope i could find some meaningful activity to do here

nite

nic~

logicc

2009-06-30T23:31:00.000+08:00

im back bloggin :D
its just a few days before i get to singapore !
finally mann
im gonna go there
woo hoo
although im a lil short on cash T____T
anyway
ive been thinkin lately
about brain usage xD
i have been using too much of my feelings all this while
so i suppose i should use more logic rather than feelings now
as logic > feelings just like being wise > being matured
but using just logic will also make u looks like a logic freak
therefore, i should first balance the usage of both logic and feelings
and then focus on one of them
(which is logic)
i really want to maximize the use of my brain
cos i dun realy know what is the maximum capability of my brain :D
so i want to maximize the use of it
and then use it to make a lot of money of course
hohohoo

anyway
im gettin tired
i will stop writin here
lalala
half-done blog xD
bye all
nite :D

(:

2009-05-04T16:28:00.002+08:00

have not been blogging for a while :D
cos im too busy playing facebook
xDD
yeah
facebook have been dominating my life these days
its so hard to get off the laptop just because i took tons of quiz in facebook
D:

ive been missing my hometown these days
i want to go back there
start to regret my decision to go to china
but its too late to regret
gotta do my best cos im already here .
responsibility is important, y'know =p

anyway
im gettin fat
cos the food here are extremely oily
and i have no choice but to eat them (they're delicious tho xD)
so i keep on eating and eating like pig
and despite the frequent basketball games i had with my friends, i still grow fat
cos i cant watch my diet
so im gonna watch my diet carefully from tomorrow
and start goin to the gym =p
dunnoe if its goin to work
im aimin for flat stomach by the mid of this summer
hope i can obtain it
really want it so baddd
xDD

anyway im gonna stop here
gonna take more quiz on facebook
LOL
those stupid quiz are killin me
xDD
anyway im off ~
byee guys (if there's any, please tag mee :D)

~~

2009-04-27T23:18:00.002+08:00

long time never blog
getting lazy actually =p
so im gonna post something here before i sleep

i have been thinking
that a change is needed in my life
i need to be more matured
move from this childish mind and begin to be matured
and stop acting like shit xDD
cos ive been somehow acting like a kid
when in my age,
i should start to act more of an adult than a kid
i really wish i could be matured,
but if i cant oh well
i cant do anything about it
all i need is to be wise tho,
cos by being wise > being matured
but if i can be wise and matured at the same time,
i will have everything i need to face the cruelty of this world
and i can gain my freedom once i have the things i need to face this world :D

soo
in order to gain that freedom
i must do my best everyday
study hard
learn hard about life
and also play hard :D

so now im gonna sleep already
im too sleepy to type anything or think about anything . . .
so see u guys in the next post :D

nite ppl
(:

@____@

2009-04-13T22:48:00.003+08:00

im back back back
im actually doing my homeworks
but i feel a bit 'mumet' (especially 4 indonesians only xD) so i decided to post something
cos i am bored
damnn
so many homeworks to do
and so many things to study
i start to regret coming here to study
nonononono
i cant regret
cos a true man lives without regret ;D
so i should enjoy, and never regret (stress mode : on)
anyway
i am reminded of tt 1 girl again
go away from my mind will ya ? =p
nah,
i cant get her out of my mind @____@
there are too many sweet memories with her till i cant forget her
so i think i should just enjoy my life right now (is there any connection? xD)

she seems happy cos she managed to establish a connection with someone she loves so much
so i should be happy as well :D
but how can i be happy when there are so many homeworks and things to study everyday?
@____@
i really should get used to this lifestyle as soon as possible
cos
im going to yi ke ban next semester,
where more homeworks and things to study awaits
hauhahuhuahua
im really going crazy here
too stressed
cos im not used being stressed like this
i must stress myself to a point where when i am stressed = normal
and vice versa
xD
i must memorise approximately 20 new words each day, and at least 5 new ways of word usage in different sentence
@______@
its amazing aint it?
THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE TO DO WHEN I WAS IN SINGAPORE
LOL
chinese is far tougher than i expected
now i regret underestimated chinese
as language was the only thing that im good at,
so i underestimated chinese and i thought that i will definitely able to master it
cos everyday i will see chinese characters and use chinese to talk
but i was wrong xD
here
im using indonesian language most of the time
and im only using like a little bit of chinese to talk to chinese people
cos i am lacking of vocabulary
and for the things that i dont know to say i use body language xDD
okayy
now its time to stop resting
and start playing with chinese characters again
c u guys in the next post (:

sayonara~
zai jian !

alone in the rain . . .

2009-04-10T22:40:00.002+08:00

feeling lonely today . . .
oh btw,
i bought an electric bike today :D
it cost about 2400 rmb,
= 4million sth rupiah . . .
its quite worth it tho
cos i can ride it if i want to go anywhere around the campus
xD
anyway
im feelin lonely today
dont know why
this symptom strike at me again
feeling of being alone
feeling lonely
. . .
dont wanna talk about this very much =p
i have been thinking
that being my own self is important
cos i have been constantly trying to ''immitate'' the lifestyle of people who i find cool =p
when being my own self is actually being cooler than them (i know it aint true xD)
something hit me today and make me realize that its actually useless to try to be like someone u idolize when u cant be urself by being like them
cos everyone of us is unique
and each one of us has their own cool side
and of course bad side as well :)
no one is perfect .
except God @____@

anyway
im feelin damn tired right now
gotta go get some sleep
have not been having enough sleep lately
nite ppl (if there's any xD)

nic .

happy birthday

2009-04-10T16:50:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to u
happy birthday to u
happy birthday happy birthday
happy birthday to u~

happy sweet 17 (:

Once I say I love you I think you would be gone, oh baby~
Cuz we are too young to love so I can say little long~
Hold you in my arms

But I will be waiting for you
To say you want me to be with you
I'll live in your love and your dreams forever and ever

Whenever you look in my eyes
There are so many smiles and tears
I was born to love, feel so deep inside
If you need me I'll be your man

Whenever you look in my eyes,
I do want to show you my love
I make up my mind, make your dreams come true
Nobody can stop me to say I love you.

How can I askwhen youre still looking for other ones
Since love seems to make me blind
I try to fight all day long
But I cannot hold

We talk on the phone every night
And so came closer day by day
I touch you and kiss you and hold you to feel but in dreams

Whenever you look in my eyes
There are so many smiles and tears
I was born to love feel so deep inside
If you need me I'll be your man

Whenever you look in my eyes
I do want to show you my love
I make up my mind make your
Dreams come true
Nobody can stop me to say
I love you~

In my arms, in my soul I want to hold you baby
You don't know how much I love you
Do you baby?

Like the sun rising up,
I can't stop loving you.
Can't hold back anymore~

Whenever you look in my eyes
There are so many smiles and tears
I was born to love feel so deep inside
If you need me, I'll be your man

Whenever you look in my eyes
I do want to show you my love
I make up my mind make your dreams come true
nobody can stop me to say, I love you

~

2009-04-08T23:11:00.002+08:00

lalala~~
new post again today~
today im feelin happy and tired
cos i played basketball just now
hohoho
it was fun
i dunnoe what others think tho
cos i dun think all of them get enough participation in the game
sry for my teammates
i know i am not a good point guard
but i tried my best =p
anyway
i saw another group of indonesians at the court this afternoon
and they were playing like...
@_____@
1000000x better than me ?
xDD
they inspired me to play basketball seriously
but i just cant
lol
i played basketball cos it was fun
not to be a pro .
but oh well
i guess i should really improve tho
cos i have been stuck with my sucks ball handling till now
so i should work in it :3

gotta play more often
and today we made a kite
a flying kite
i made them with my own hands
LOL
(nora mode : ON)

anyway
im plannin to dye my hair black, and get a haircut similar to jaejoong in mirotic's video
@___@
elegance is what i can say about his hair
its not out of date,
and has a sense of uniqueness in it .
so ive gotta wait for my hair to grow longer
xDD

and ive been thinking
that
my new friends here are good people at heart
although they sometimes bully me,
but they just do it for fun
not serious :D
they thought of me as a smaller brother
so its normal for bigger brother to bully smaller one sometimes =p
i really want to do something meaningful to them
but i cant think of any
cos all of them have been very nice to me
i never feel left out cos of them
never feel lonely
and they taught me a lot of things :D
soo (shuo yi)
if any of u guys is reading this dump
i wanna thank u
sincerely from the bottom of my heart :D

okay gotta sleep now
going to indonesian embassy tomorrow xD
c ya'll in the next post
(if there's any who will read =p)

lalala~

2009-04-07T18:15:00.002+08:00

lalala~
im back =p
actually i dont plan to post anything much
just want to post a lyrics of a kr song with its translation
its a song which tammy and her friends wrote during the singing audition~
and they made it to the second round
congractulations~! (if any of u guys r reading this xD)
anyway here it goes the song :

I believe

I believe keu daen kyeod eh eop ji man
ee dae roh ee pyeol eun ah ni ket chyo
I believe na eh geh oh neun gil eun
cho geum meol ri dol ah ol poon ee ket chyo

moh doo ji na gan keu gi eok sok eh seo
nae ga na reul ah peu geh ha myo noon mool eul man deul chyo

*na man keum ool ji ahn ki reul keu dae man eun
noon mool eop shi nal pyeon ha geh poh nae joo gi reul
eon jehn ga ta shi dol ah ol
keu da ra neun keol ahl gi eh nan mid go it ki eh
gi da ril geh yo nan keu dae yeo ya man ha chyo

I believe nae ga ah pa hal ga pwa
keu dae neun ool ji doh mot haet get chyo
I believe heu reu neun nae noon mool ee
keu dael ta shi nae geh dol ryeo joo ket chyo

ji goo meom choo neun nae noon gil sok eh seo
keu dae moh deup deul ee deo ol ra noon mool eul man deul chyo

*repeat

nan keu dae al gi jeon ee seh sang doh
ee reoh keh noon poo syot neun ji
keu ha neul ah rae seo ee jen
noon mool roh nam kyo chyeot ji man
ee ja ril nan ji gil keh yo

keu dae ran ee yoo man eu roh na eh geh neun
gi ta rim joh cha choong boon hi haeng bok ha ket chyo
sarang ha ee yoo man eu roh
doh ha roo ga ji na ga go oh neun kil ee cheo doh
ki da ril keh yo nan keu dae yeo ya man ha chyo
nan keu dae yeo ya man ha chyo

English Translation

I believe... Even though you are not with me, this is not how we part.
I believe... You're taking the long way back to me.
Inside all those past memories,
I make myself hurt and myself cry.

You didn't cry as much as me, without a lot of tears, you tried to give me a painless good-bye.
I know that you will one day return to me, that I believe,
I will wait for you, I'll do it for you.

I believe... Because I might hurt, you couldn't even cry.
I believe... You will return to me all the tears that I now shed.
I'll glimpse you come into my sight
And it'll make my tears fall.

You didn't cry as much as me, without a lot of tears, you tried to give me a painless good-bye.
I know that you will one day return to me, that I believe,
I will wait for you, I'll do it for you.

Was the world was dazzling before I met you?
Underneath that sky, all I'm left with are tears
I will save this place next to me.

You are the only reason...
that waiting gives me enough happiness.
Love is the only reason...
As days pass by,
If you forget the way, I'll be waiting
I do it for you.
I do it for you.

post :D

2009-04-05T11:28:00.002+08:00

its holiday timeee :D
tomorrow is monday
and its a holiday
what can i say?
after a long time,
finally there's a holiday for me (although its only for one day xD)
anyway
im feeling quite happy
cos tomorrow i played basketball with my friends
finally i have done the thing that i most wanted after for about half a year xD
hmm
today im reminded of someone's bday
which is 5 more days from today
im wonderin why does that person come into my mind out of a sudden ~___~
i have been thinking to open my heart to that person
and wishing that we could go back like how it was
but i just cant open it @___@
cos ive been hurt very badly once by her
and i dont want to get hurt for the second time
so i decided not to make any moves to get close to her :D
really wish this feeling will get past
and i will embrace the happy life thats waiting for me
cos all my friends here
are all adult
@____@
im feelin like living in a new world
really excited
and i just realise
no matter how childish a person acts,
we cant judge them by the outside appearance
cos its what inside them that counts
there are many people that behaves childish are actually matured
i have seen many of them here =p
and they are people that i admire :D
i would love to be one of them
to be carefree and childish on the outside
but matured and grown inside
but i guess i cand D:
cos im childish inside out xD
so i will just live my life and be myself
cos i know how sucks it is to try to be someone that is not u .

okay im gonna stop now
i have to take a bath and dress up
today's quite warm !
20 degree C :D
finally after long cold days, beijing is goin to have its warmer days :D
so c u guys in the next post
( there hve been many ppl tagged my blog, so i would like to take this opportunity to thank u guys for reading this pile of shit written by me xDD . really thank u guys for visitting :D. do come back anytime u like to read whatever shit i post here xD)

~

2009-04-03T00:44:00.002+08:00

finally got the chance to post some shit here :D
tomorrow is the last day of school, and the start of a long weekend
(not really long tho xD)
next monday is a holiday
and one of my old friends is coming to beijing
reunion i think?
xD
im gonna sleep soon
cos i have to wake up at 7 tommorrow
so i should make this post a quick 1
today was a rather normal day
everything went normal as usual
and i spend most of my time after school staring at the computer, as usual xDD
i really should restrict my computer usage
of i will not be able to catch up with the lessons at school
talking about school, im too lazy to go to the school tommorrow
i want to get some sleep as i have not been having enough lately .
my roomate told me that i snore when i sleep
omg
the 1st time in my life
i ever snore xDD
he told me that im too tired
so i guess i should get more rests during the holiday

this afternoon my mum sms-ed me
she told me that she miss me :D
i miss u too mum xD
and im hoping i will be able to go back to indonesia very soon
although i know that's impossible xD
i want to go to singapore 1st before going back to indonesia
i want to visit orchard road during the singapore great sale
and only after that i will be able to go back to my hometown at peace xDD
okay
now im too sleepy to think of anything to write
time to turn my computer off

c u ppl (if there's any)
nite (:

long time nvr blog~

2009-03-30T22:04:00.002+08:00

hi all ~
if there is any readin this pile of shit xD
its been too long since the last post here
so i decided to post something
=p
ive got nothing to do anyway
xD
everything has been good until now,
except im getting fatter
lol
so now im at beijing
studying chinese
although i feel like its useless
cos i still have not been able to speak fluently after staying here for 1 month
im wondering how long will it take for me to speak chinese fluently
~____~
and ive been missing my friends at singapore
and ive got to b honest,
i miss SG
LOL
after stayin here for 1 month
i just realize
that
singapore is far better than this place
i dont really like the climate here,
but what can i do
ive got to bear with it for another 4 years
so im guessin i will get used to it sooner or later (:

hmmm
speaking of blogging,
it always reminds me of my 1st love
cos this place has always been a place where i throw all my emotions at that time
xD
but now it has passed
i guess im getting older as well?
cant help it then .
time goes by
and the time that already gone cant be turned back
how i wish i could backtrack my life
i will correct all my mistakes,
(and will definitely make another mistakes xD)
cos i am just a human
i will definitely make a mistake o___o

well i guess thats just how life goes
u will definitely make a mistake so u would learn from it .
so it will not be repeated the next time (:

guess i will stop here xD
a too long post, again, will bore the readers
so i will stop
hope i will be able to blog everyday from now on
c u all (if there's any xD)

good nite,
nic (:

yoyoyo

2009-02-25T13:13:00.003+08:00

yoooo
now im back bloggin :D
im currently at beijing
and i was just interviewed for class division
and i am oging to beginner class
xDD
when the interviewer was asking ma something in chinese
i went blur
LOL
and finally i talked in englist
luckily the interviewer understood english
and she told me that
they might be placing me in the beginner class
lol
nvm
everyone was a beginner once
so i should work hard to master chinese
as for now
i can speak a bit of chinese
but i cant understand what other people r saying
xDDD
maybe i should go to the school for deaf ppl here
lolol
anyway
now i have got nothing to do
so i decided to blog :D
i have no internet connection at my room
so i gotta go to a place called ''wang ba" which means internet cafe here
its placed just at the lobby of my hostel
so i can go there any time i want :D
for my friends in indo:
thanks for being there for me when i was in indo
i never feel lonely when i was there, its all because of u guys (:

and here
i have several new friends ;D
they are friendly
and easy going
there will always be laughter around them
xDD
i never feel lonely here
i really hope that i can be closer to them
but i just dont know how?
they all are older than me
so i am a bit afraid to approach them xD
maybe it will take time for me to be more matured
in order to be closer to them
so for now i will just enjoy (:

its fun when i joke around with them

okayy
now im gonna stop
a too long post will bore the reader,
so c u guys
:D

farkkkkk

2009-01-16T19:31:00.003+08:00

farkkkkkkkkk

i swear

playing audition all day

make me feel

no future

i should stop once in a while

and take care of my real life

damnit

la la day

2009-01-16T19:10:00.002+08:00

to someone special out there:

i love u xD

^^

2009-01-12T22:11:00.002+08:00

hi all

(if there's any)

my life's been good i guess?

today

i managed to let go of the past

and i decided to move on

and ive been actually thinkin

to someone

that i think might like me

*initial V, lol*

stop loving me,

cos i cant love u,

maybe its hard for u to do it

but i believe that u can do it

many man out there that is better than me

and i am just one of the least good for u =)

think of me,

im a flirting bastard,

im a sly person,

im a bitchy boy LOL

so why would u love me?

a for someone out there

who hold my heart for now

hehee

idk

im nt sure about my feeling

for now,

lets say that i have a little feeling for u, k?

till the day we meet

i shall decide then

huehuehue

im sorry for not treating u right ,

i shall try to cherish u now

hohoo

im writing this in my blog cos

SHE WILL NEVER READ THIS

LOL

i dun even think that she know that blogs exists

wakakkaa

soo now

im gonna stop here

go go fighting nico!!

hahaa

i will open my heart from now on

living with ur heart closed is sux :x

^^

2009-01-12T21:36:00.000+08:00

dots

2008-12-28T16:02:00.002+08:00

been a long time since the last time i blog

time to add some life to this site :D

my life now

can only be put in one word:

aimless

i have no aim

my future is a question to me

and now im officially able to let her go :)

to avoid any misunderstandings in the future,

lemme say this very clearly now:

i thank u for ur time that ive wasted

now its time for me to move on

and i will wish the best for ur future as well

u might face some problems right now

but stay strong,

as something good will definitely happen to u sooner or later :)

okayyy

now its time to tell ppl (if there's any) about what happen recently to me

currenly im playin pet society in facebook :D

its not really fun actually

but i want to reach the highest rank among my friends

so i keep on playin xD

currently my rank is around the 14th

and im gonna climb up the rankk

quickly

hahaha

and

ive been searchin for miss perfect here

but i think ive not find any :(

what can i do though,

i believe that someday i will be able to find her :D

now im gonna play the pet society again xD

c u guys around :DD

~.~

2008-11-29T00:18:00.002+08:00

yoyoyoyo

im now inspired

im gonna go to seattle

my parents are sure about it

and so do i

what i need to do is polish my english and mathematics in order to go to a college there

then to university

then go to work

start earning bucks

$_$

money can buy anything u know?

and when i say anything, yes it includes happiness :D

however

there is one condition:

the money u have should not be too much or too few

it must be enough for u and ur family to have a comfortable life :D

im not gonna waste this chance

go go go nic

never say die D:

..

2008-11-27T09:47:00.002+08:00

someone special just leave us today

had mental breakdown

one of my relatives passed away today

its such a great loss to our family

and i will mourn for her leave.

i will not forget our memories

she encouraged me when i was down

she gave me wise advice regarding life

and i wont be what i am now if not because of her

really hope that she will rest in peace

and i will pray so that God will accept her beside Him

guys,

please treasure ur relatives,

family,

friends,

siblings

they might irritate u in a while

but when u lose them

u will feel that

there's something missing

yoyoyo

2008-11-25T23:54:00.003+08:00

yooo

i just came back from a boxing class :D

it was quite fun

although its tiring

100 times more tiring from bboying

my shoulder is aching D:

anyway

i joined the class to become stronger tho

so i should not complain too much :D

hmm hmm

today my sis' friends came to my house

they were doing their projects

and i took their photos :D

aint gonna upload them tho =p

i am more important than them xD

anyway i decided to post my pic (with my sis)

the point of posting this pic is

to show liyana my dyed hair xD

sry its abit late tho..havent got much time =)

soo here's my pic :

laalala

today im reminded of someone special who just came back from puncak

shes no more special to me

but i just felt that

our relationship broke so fast

too fast for me

cos i was taking it seriously T_T

at least let it get through a year maybe?

so i think my limit of being serious in a relationship is just 3 months ?

xDDD

omg

nah, im just kiding

im sure there will be a girl out there

who could bear with me for a year..

2 years..

10 years..

and finally for eternity :D

its a pity that she's not the person,

cos she was my ideal type of girl

nvm nvm

there are still many girls that meets my ideal criteria tho >.>

so i should not just wait for only one of them

there might be better ones coming up >:D

and also

it will kinda make me look stubborn and stupid if i keep on waiting for her

so i should leave her

choiii

go away from meee

hahahaha

kidding :D

i still wanna be friends with her lahh

cos

she might have girl friends that meet my ideal criteria :D

anyway i feel happy for now

cos actually

i think (not reliable)

i might have crush on someone o_O

shes one of my sis' friends

and today she came to my house :D

but cos my sis told me that one of her friends is chasing that girl..

so i didnt do much to get to know her D:

its such a waste

but nvm :D

many better ones waiting for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

hahahahaha

(omg why am i starting to sound like a playboy? xD)

anyway

i shall stop here

tomorrow will be another boring day D:

cya'll

o_O

2008-11-23T23:33:00.003+08:00

yooo

wassup

hahahaha

nothing to do right now

so i decide to post something here :D

its my own world anyway xD

hmm

now im feeling good

to someone who is not special to me anymore:

thank you for all the things u taught me

and the experience u gave to me :D

i should give u credit for making me fall into what i call grave

and now i will have my salvation

to come back from where i fall

and catch up with everyone who is waiting for me =D

soo now i am going to search for some school

anyone, if u know of a good university in australia or the states,

just hit me

and i will be glad to ask u 10000000 questions xDD

soo

i will stop here

bye2

nite =D

faith

2008-11-23T00:09:00.002+08:00

hi all (if there's any :D)

now its time for me to blogg xD

its been long time since my last post

( for me xD)

today

just now

another piece of missing puzzle in my life has just returned :)

which is faith

all this while

ive been losing faith

as i was confused

where to put that faith

cos

i have been forgetting

that all people are actually good at heart

and i keep treating good people around me as enemy

which caused me not to have faith in them

well

i guess i should have faith in my friends, at the very least

and i should have a lot of faith in the ones i love :D

soo

all these while

when i have been blinded by love

i was actually destroying myself xD

i wont let that happen again

i had been hopeless D:

so now

i will wait for more pieces coming back to me

and then i will start a new life :D

anywayy

today i went to taman anggrek with my sis and her friends

hoping that i could see someone :D

but shes at puncak right now so i cant do much about it xD

soo

we went around TA after we had our lunch at platinum

there we challenged the super hot ramen

i finnished the ramen at around 11 mins?

it wasnt very spicy tho

but it was super hott

hahahaha

my sister's friend had a stomachache at home =x

and my sis fell sick because of that D:

shes having fever right now -.-

anyway

we walked around and my sis' friend bought a right for his girlfriend,

and then we went back home,

napped for a while

then woke up, to eat at feri gardenna with my parents and their business partner

the food was nice

i ate alot of vegetables today xD

and after that we went back home

and now here i am

writing this blog :D

btw

ive started a boxing class

it was fun although im still very weak

and knew nothing xD

but i think i will be able to be stronger through the classes

and hope that i will be able to put it into good use :D

now im going off

im very tired

wanna sleep

byee

btw

i am reminded

eysterday

i dreamt of a girl :D

c ya'll in the next post xD

yohoo

2008-11-20T19:33:00.003+08:00

yo mann

im back here :D

life's been good as usual

i want to move on from her now

ive decided

to move on~~

its an order from her anyway

she told me to move on,

and if we really are meant to b together,

we will definitely fall for each other once more =)

now im in search of my princess xD

the one who can open up my heart

and keep them safe~

not hurting them :D

i really look forward to it

i have begun my new life

which is

BORING

lol

i am doing nothing everyday

waiting for my hair to grow longg

i want hairstyle like kim hyun joong

it will look kinda like this :

i want it badlyyyy T_T

how long will it take for my hair to grow that long? T_T

ermm anyway

not gonna talk about this too much

soo

to that someone , if u r reading this:

im gonna proceed with my life,

so u might see a pic of me with ano

ther girl =)

please dont feel betrayed,

i never want to betray u,

im just moving on with my life

which is everyone's right :D

lets still be friends ok? =)

im not gonna let a friend of mine go away from me just because that person was used to be my ex =)

byee

reminiscing

2008-11-20T10:31:00.002+08:00

yoo mann

i just finnished looking through the comments that i have in friendster :D

and i realised

my past was such a sweet sorrow xD

i have many friends

and i have wasted alot of people who loved me

i think (only me)

i was such a fun person that everyone loves me

they love being around me because i was such a fun guy

but now

i am such a quiet and timid boy D:

i dont know if im gonna be able to obtain my past personality

i really wish i would have it once more time

and i would not let my negative thoughts make that personality go far away from me

ah...

regretting is also useless

i used to be able to live the life that i always wanted

but now

im living like a loser

cos ive betrayed one of my friends

how i wish i will be forgiven

and able to live like the past

life without lies

(although i am sure some people was lying to me)

but the life that ive been living in the past was one without lies

i mean

i never lie to people in the past :D

and that makes me enjoy being who i am

transparent me

lol

but now im such a liar

i really want to be like what i was

transparent

never lie

and im gonna try it :D

c u guys next time =)

indo indo~

2008-11-18T11:41:00.002+08:00

now im at indoo~

im missing sg D:

lol

anyway

didnt do much in indo

now im just staying at home

doin nothin

lol

anyway i found something interesting on the web :D

somehow i find it quite true

try reading this if uve got some time to spare =)

Blood Type A, the dreaming romantic
Sensitive person. You’re easy to be hurt from even a small matter and you are unnecessarily sensitive. You think in your way, interpret, and misunderstand. But hiding your own thought, you look like a nice person considering others and take care of your surroundings. You like the romantic mood, forget reality, and are indulged in fantastic world. Unexpectedly, you are a stubborn perfectionist…

Blood Type B, enjoyable optimist
Optimist who enjoys life. You can even laugh facing your failure. Having a romantic tendency, you sometimes have thoughts distant from reality. But if you enjoy liberal life way too much, you might make enemies unexpectedly. You should change your easy-to-give-up personality.
You should think over whether you give up way too fast…

Blood Type O, leadership filled with confidence
You have a bright personality and lead others well. Your kind personality doesn’t let you leave people in trouble. You want to make your life dramatic, so people around you might not be so comfortable. Don’t forget there is happiness in ordinary life. You are proud of yourself and don’t like other people’s interruption. You would like to live in your own way, but over-confidence might return to you as a poison. When you fail you will feel in a slump due to your confidence. Take it easy and don’t forget even you might fail.

Blood Type AB, consistency with your patience and concentration.
With your strong patience and concentration, you can do anything. You can back up to let work go smoothly and easily when you are involved with projects with others. Being interested in politics and environment, you are full of intelligence. You make others who don’t know as much as you do look foolish and show an authoritative attitude. Don’t look down on others. Remember you should respect others’ values and the ways they live.

my blood type is o o_O

as far as i read, i think its quite true xD

ppl who are close to me would know it

as for the rest,

i dont know xD

cya'll in the next post :D

farewell

2008-11-16T23:25:00.002+08:00

finally
im going back to indo tmr
my friends here
good bye
dont be sad without me (as if all of u need me xD)

to my friends
i have last few words for all of u
before im going back to my hometown

for my housemates:
thanks man, u all have been a great, crazy housemates
im looking forward to meeting u all in the future
we will have drinks together again someday =D

my roomate:
if u read this,
i have a confession
i used ur comp without ur permission =x
pls forgive me
i know im at fault
but i just cant help it..

the jokers:
what can i say? u all have been a fun friends
hahahaha
i had the most fun times with all of u
i will never forget icezz's words: ''matamu cok''
xD
although im not really close to some of u
but i know all of u r good people at heart,
that's how u all got so close together =)

to serangoon garden ppl and the j-cukers:
thanks for accepting me for who i am
although some of the girls really love to gossip about other people,
u all have been great friends
im really sorry that during our final days i kept quiet
i was recovering from brokenheart
and i hope all of u understand this =)
good luck on ur basketball team
and lets play basketball again in the future =D

to my indo schoolmates:
thanks for sitting with me during recess time for 4 years =D
if i had not sit with all of u during recess time,
i would be very lonely, sad, etc
and i wont ever forget the moment we spent together
those happiness,
fun, and all those things
i learnt alot from u guys
so
thank you xD

and lastly
to singapore:
thanks for giving me such a wonderful experience here
i have learnt to be more independent,
more creative
and somehow i found my true self here =)
its all because i stayed in singapore
and met great friends
so i should thank this country as well
=)

so that's my last post in singapore
i hope u guys enjoy it
gimme a tag if u read this, ok? =D
gud nite =)

dear my friend~

2008-11-14T13:37:00.002+08:00

dear my friends,
:D
im gonna b back to indo soon
so i think i should say farewell to my friends in singapore
dont be sad when there's no more me
cos we're still friends
and we shall reunite once again once we grow older :D
soo
for my friends who really value me in singapore
i will definitely remember u all
all the memories we had together
the stupid things we did
the fun we enjoyed
the jokes
the happiness
dont ever feel lonely without me :D
cos without me,
all of u still rox
and i shall treasure all the moments we spent together
so enjoy this 1 vid by miyavi :D

lalala

2008-11-12T15:45:00.002+08:00

i have nothing to do~~
so i've decided to post something here
hahahaha
wanted to buy a tie for my prom nite
which is 2 days away
but
everyone seems lazy and doesnt want to company me
so i stayed at home xD
hmm hmm
my life these days
is boring
everyday
i just got to watch movies
now i feel like dying
lol
oh talking about dy,
i am reminded
i just dyed my hair yesterday :D
brown + blonde = failure
LOL
didnt expect it to be this ugly
omg
my family will laugh at em when i get indo
haha
nvm
its not so important anyway
kk now im going to watch again
im reaching an intersesting point
hahahaha
c ya'll later
maybe tonight i will post something :D

lalala

2008-11-08T23:07:00.002+08:00

today
felt damn lonely
no one to talk to
just keep on watching drama
im going mad soon
need to talk to somebody
lol
anyway
someone must be happy now that she have reached indo
err
why do i keep talking about her nowadays?
i think i really am mad
hahahaha

gotta stop
stop
stop
if i love her, then dont think about her
LOL
(i know that aint correct, but gotta force my way through, u know xD)

as soon as my $_$ arrives,
im definitely going out
shit man
at home
do nothing
at all
lol
just keep on watching movies
imagine
ive spent around 15 hours out of 24 hours just to watch movies
omg
i must be mad
lol

usually i spent 15 hours of gaming
which was not bad
cos ive got aim to be better than other players
but now
i spend 15 hours of wasting time
staring at computer screen
which is not bad as well
since ive got nothing to do anyway
LOL
y am i contradicting myself?
hahahaha
i think i really have gone mad

anyway
im super tired right now
wanna go to sleep
my life so far
is doing good
i wont rush the process of healing from being heartbroken
i will let it heal
slowly
so i will know
that to end my relationship with her
is just a beginning of my new life
and im definitely going to find someone better than her
(she said it to me, so..xD)
im very kind u know
until she doesnt want me

so i guess girls prefers bad guy rather than nice guy
hahahaha
joking only laa
any girl would prefer nice guy rather than bad guy
nonono
any girl will prefer a guy who treat her correctly to be precise
soo
treat ur loved ones correctly, ok guys?
any confused guy out there
if u need any advice regarding girls,
just tell me
i can come in handy sometimes, u know

or at least
i know how to make both of u happy :D
interested?
ask me, and i'll tell u everything i know
hahahaha

almost finnished

2008-11-08T17:41:00.003+08:00

the puzzle is almost finnished :D
starting to find the meaning of life
and hope to treasure it
i wanna keep on improving
and i wont let those ppl who love me down
when i think about it
it was quite immature and foolish
to let someone u love ruin ur life,
make u stop progressing with life
when the one u love
should do the exact opposite

to that special someone,
i'll keep on praying that she'll realize this
and move on with her life
then
when the time come
maybe
with less than 1% chance
we will fall for each other once more time
(if she's really the one for me tho)

my life is better
now i can think more clearly
and i really think i should catch up with everyone else-
although its too late to catch up academically (o lvl's finnished :D)
i can catch up in other things
sports, life, confidence, friendliness, experience

talking about experience
ive experienced my first love
omg
a very big stepping stone in my life
and im grateful for the person who taught me this real love
aint the fake one
cos i was truly deeply in love with her
however
i wont let her be an obstacle in my life
its a pity for her u know
she wont have a peaceful life if i keep on bugging her
by telling her i will wait for her
so i have to
move on and progress
so i shall keep all the memories of us together
in an album at my heart
and burry it away :D
and i will frequently look at those memories
just to laugh at how foolish i was
and use it as a reminder
so that such thing wont happen next time

from this thing
i've learnt alot
and i wont be traumatized by it
i wont lock my heart away
cos i firmly believe
that
love is kind, and it will always rejoice in truth
as love
bears all things
believes all things
hopes all things
endure all things

so
if ur in an unbalanced relationship
(u often sacrifice for ur spouse, but he/she does not)
endure it
there will be a time
when
both of u will shine
and live happily ever after
and dont forget to invite me when u're married xD

sooo
love is a sweet thing
love wont hurt u
cos when u love someone
all ur burden and pain will be lifted up
when u see the person u love smile
aint i right? =)

soo
as long as u have love
u should not frown or be sad~!
cos the true love
will always
encourage u to be better,
to face life,
to face the truth

dont lose hope ya'll :D

sleep

2008-11-07T23:24:00.002+08:00

post again..
damn tired right now
feel like sleeping
although i didnt do anything today
but sit down and watching movies all day
lol
o lvl's last paper is on 11th
that's 3 days away
and then
im gonna be free from studying
im gonna be back to indo
maybe for half a year?
then im going to australia
just a probability tho
still not very sure yet
ahhh
im so lonely right now
no friends
err
actually its not fair to say no friends
its more like
no money to go out with friends
lol
really short of $_$
but i should not put any more stress on my parents
they're also suffering
so i shall suffer as well
in a family,
when one suffers, the rest will also suffer isnt it?
so i gotta stay positive
and do my best
to help them
my days in singapore
is coming to an end

actually im not really in the mood to write anything right now
but ive written this long shit
lol
anyway
im gonna sleep now
damn tired
someone special to me is going to fly away from me tmr
no laa
shes coming back to indo
she will meet her old friends
her parents
and im sure
she will be happy
so i should be happy for her as well
lol
im blabbering shit right now
too sleepy already
im gonna sleep now

gonna get drunk tmr
oh yeah mann
idk y the fun things always come at the right time lately

hmm
14 september...
i wont forget that day..
lol
dun ask me y
just cant forget it

k im going to stop here
thx for reading this long shit (if there's anyone reading it)
tag me as well, k (if someone is reading)
im gonna stop now

nite

~_~

2008-11-07T21:09:00.002+08:00

time to blog~~
today was a normal boring day
nothing to do
lol
just watched korea drama at home
LOL
hmm
it was funny tho
anyway
i dug up some nice songs :D
sung by crown j
check my friendster profile for the song =)
one is called too much
and the other is called no break
so lonely
today went to balestier with vic
bought some meat
ate it
and went to sleep
when i woke up
victor was gone
LOL
now im watching
waiting for someone to call me
(hopefully)
or talk to me
btw
eric told me
tmr we're going to have drinks at night
cant wait mannn
its been long time since the last time i got drunk
and it was fun
hahahaha
tmr come faster

maybe im gonna post later
now im posting because
im waiting for the video to upload
LOL
anyway c ya'll
nitee

yooo

2008-11-06T20:49:00.002+08:00

finallyyyyyyyyyy
im almost back on track ya'll
after im back on track
i know
a bright future is shining ahead of me
and i'll chase my dreams
with all my might
i never say die, u know :D
i'll come back to indo at 17 november
just asked my guardian to book a ticket for me
and im financially broke now
lol
my mum said she'll send me some $_$ tmr
dunnoe she will really send me or not
lol
hmm
so far
my life has been pretty good
yesterday i played basketball at kembangan,
and yesterday i got to see the girl of my dream lol
although its a bit painful as she's not mine
but it doesnt really matter anyway
she seems fine,
and still can smile
(idk whether it was fake smile or a sincere 1)
and
today
i went to bugis with some shoolmates
had fun,
joked around,
fooling around,
and finally
went home
to find
nobody in my room
so lonely
o_o
and now
im here
writing this blog
cos ive got nothing to do :D

allright, i know all of u r tired of reading this shit (if there's any tho)
so im gonna stop now =p
maybe tmr im gonna post somemore
nitee

all ppl

2008-11-06T20:34:00.003+08:00

to people out there
who is experiencing heartbreak
if u r reading this
it might help u (just might :D)

while heartbreak is indeed a good teacher,
u gotta learn to control it
u cant let it take over u
and just lose ur mind
become an emo

i admit tho
i've been controlled by heartbreak for about
well
1 month+?
and i felt like
i was having some kind of mental problem..o_o
my life was in a mess
and i have to put back the pieces of puzzle into one
till finally
now
i've put most of them back
about 3/4 i would say :D
soo
u can say
that
my life now is quite normal
not like when i was having what i call mental problem

to those people who have lost their mind
due to heartbreak
and might want to find their way back
all u gotta do is just
be brave enough to face the fact
and stop blaming
when ur relationship with someone has end,
it is not the end of ur life =)
i can understand the pain
but
we should be happy
as the person that we love
has taken the best option that's available for him/her

try to understand it
and think
when u r in his/her position,
that choice that person made
is the best that he/she can take
during that time

soo
stop frowning
and that's life
someone is not doing a crime
if he/she stop loving u
they have done nothing wrong
get ur mindset correct,
and take the first step
towards ur life
that u've been neglecting
since the day
the person u love leave u
and dont forget to keep looking back to this painful experience
as it will help u from not doing the same mistake twice =)

soooo
im gonna post another post today :D
damn bored at home
nothing to do
so i will post another thing :D

ice cream

2008-11-06T20:29:00.002+08:00

love her, always
i was the one at fault
admitted it
hmm
i wont put the blame on anyone
cos i was making things difficult for myself
and worst of all,
i just realise it
omg
now i dunnoe how im gonna win her heart back
i was supposed to help her progress with her life
but all i did was
the opposite
lol
now what have been done has done
gotta learn from this experience
and not let it repeat itself the next time

haha
really gotta admit
heartbreak is indeed a good teacher

it made me a better person ;)
but too frequent heartbreak will definitely kill u xD

penyesalan

2008-09-15T16:20:00.002+08:00

nyesel...
buat pertama kali seumur idup gw
gw nyesel
uda jadi egois..
ga memperlakukan org yg gw sayang selayaknya
terlalu mentingin gw sendiri
benci ma diri gw..

i'll never forget u
not that i dont want
but i just cant
u may find someone better than me
but in my mind
i'll always chase u
although its just in my dream
i wanna hold ur hands for one more time
treat u right
love u like theres no tomorrow
and
will always make u happy
i dont wanna say goodbye
not to u
so
for every step u take
since the day u leave me
i will count them
and till the day we meet again
i promise
to be a better man

T__T

2008-09-14T02:22:00.002+08:00

T__T
i hate myself
dont know how to express my feeling
i cant do anything about this
im feeling like a coward
i cant accept the fact
i dont wanna know the cruel reality
thats y i dont wanna grow up
i dont wanna b matured
i dont wanna become an adult

im afraid that i wont be able to stand facing the difficulties as an adult

now im forced to b one
feel like vomitting
i dont wanna grow up
all the pain
now is not the time for me to grow
i can grow up after 21
why must now
T__T

knapa coba
mesti kyk gni
gw cape
males idup
alesan gw
buat idup
uda ilank
dia dah gk butuh gw lg kan
gw cma nambahin masalah nya dia doank
tp gpp
bagus klo gw gaada di samping dia
mungkin idup na lebih tenang kali yah

knapa mesti gni
pdhl dia kan cewe biasa
knapa gw mesti nangisin dia?
gaada alesan yg bagus pdhl

skrg gw bingung
mesti gmn
sakit ati

gw cman bisa jalanin idup gw
maju terus k depan
gw mesti brubah
jadi dewasa

gpp,,
mungkin ini langkah pertama gw jadi dewasa,,

love

2008-09-03T08:41:00.003+08:00

finally
im back blogging :D
after long break from blogging
my laptop is spoil
thats y i havent been online-ing
i wont go to sim lim to fix it
i want a new laptopp
hahahahaha
so monn
if u read this
tell mom n dad
i want a new laptop
this time i want the EXPENSIVE one :D

now
ive been thinking
about love
and finally
i realize that
love
isnt something simple
it isnt just about being there for a person
it isnt just about being with a person forever
it isnt just about being the only one in that person's heart
it is more than just being able to trust someone
its not about being happy to be with that person when that person is not happy to be with us

but
love is
i aint gonna tell it here
each one of u should find the answer urself :D
i have not even really find the answer myself D:

but somehow
im getting to understand
how the thing called ''love'' works
which makes me understand
why
the people who really loves u (ur parents, families, etc, etc)
never give up a hope on u
although ur faraway from them
although in ur heart
there was never them
although u broke their heart so many times
but because of this thing called ''love''
they keep on supporting u
in everything u do

haha
now im talking shit
about this thing called love

hmm
when i think about it
what they say might be true

''love makes the world goes round''

nic <3 mbem

2008-08-22T15:06:00.002+08:00

finallyyy
carried out the plan
although it was a bit off of the plan
but i guess it succeed (?)
dont know whether it was a success or not
i have done what i have
the rest is up to God

hapy 3 months together hunnie^^
love u so much
i dont know what is ur feeling right now
but please bear with it
i know that
problems come into our life often
but they are there
to make u stronger
believe it
dont give up
i will always be there
whenever u need help
whenever u need someone to listen to ur pain
whenever u need someone to share ur sadness
its my promise
to always stay by ur side
catch u when u fall
and
accept u for who u r ^^

im sorry that sometimes
i lost control of my thoughts
letting it enrage me
im sorry for my chillike thoughts and attitude
im sorry for all the lies i told u

and
for all the bad things that happened between us
i apologise to u
i know that 90 % of the time
it was caused by my childlike attitude

and i want to take this chance
to tell u
that i need u
to be forever with me
encourage me in everything i do
and wake me up whenever im wrong

=====================================================================

nic will always love u^^
mbem
bebek
mer2
merrina
merrina christine kurniawan

dont ever leave me ^^

day by day

2008-08-21T16:11:00.002+08:00

my broken heart like a wave
my shaken heart like a wind
my heart vanished like smoke
it cant be removed like tatoo

i sigh deeply as if a ground is going to cave in
only dusts are piled up in my mind

i thought that i wont be able to live a single day without u
but somehow i managed to live on longer than i thought
u dont answer anything as i cry out ''i miss u''
i hope for a vain expectation but now its useless

what is it about that person next to you
did he make u cry?
dear can u even see me?
did you forget completely?

i am worried
i feel anxiety because i cant get close nor try to talk to u
i spend long nights by myself, erasing my thoughts a thousand times

dont look back and leave
dont find me again and live on
because i have no regrets from loving you
take only the good memories

i can bear it in some way
i can stand in some way
u should be happy if u r like this
i become dull
day by day

oh girl
i cry
u're my all,
say goodbye

if we pass each other on the streets
act like u dont see me
and go the way u were walking to
if u keep thinking about our past memories
i might go look for u secretly

always be happy with him,
i wont ever get a different mind
even smallest regret wont be left out ever
please live well as if i should feel jealous

u should always be like that
bright sky, like that white cloud

yes u should always smile like that as if nothing had happened

i hope your heart feels relieved
please forget about me
and live on

those tears
will dry completely
as time passes by

it would've hurt less if we didnt meet at all
hope u will bury our promise of being together forever
i pray for you

oh girl
i cry
ur my all
say goodbye
oh my love
dont lie
ur my heart
say goodbye

smile and theres nothing u cant overcome

2008-08-21T15:07:00.001+08:00

to my loved ones,

i dont care whether u all love me or even hate me. but when im dead
please dont mourn,
smile instead =)

nic.

hoahm

2008-08-21T00:59:00.002+08:00

damn sleepy
haiz
now my eyes are opened
dont know why
but everything just seems so upside down right now
whatever that i feel was important
now seems to b not important to me

im starting to appreciate my life
i feel grateful
just by being able to living life as it is now
however
im not gonna stay here
and enjoy
whatever shit that i have right now
as i have dreams and goals
that are waiting for me to reach them

so i wont give up

jokers crew:
dont give up dudes,
life may seem hard at first,
but when u find a way to handle things,
u will see
the bright side of living life
believe me
as long as u guys never give up
hope will still be there
giving up = putting an end to whatever shit and letting down everyone u love, including ur parents

well at least that is my point of view
which makes me to be who i am right now
so
dont ever lose hope

in the other hand
i must thank the jokers crew as well :D
i learn very much from them
and to let u all know
im experiencing the same things with u guys
so i know definitely how u guys feel
just dont lose the light
once u lose it
thats it
ur lost
lol

okok
time to stop
i aint gonna study for my ss
too sleepy already
cant care about other things
idk y,
feeling soo
restless nowadays

i wanna meet her
hold her hands
kiss her on her forehead
hug her tightly
and tell her i love her
face to face
eyes to eyes

but i know thats impossible right now
lol
need more patience and self control :D
my self control really is coming back to me slowly
but i cant force it
:D

just gonna pray to God
that when all these shits are done
everything is going to turn out fine
and someone will come to me and tell me
''all those things that they told u r just a lie''

and i realised
that
all these while
ive been too childish
and often
lying to myself
where actually
im trying to run away from the truth
i was too scared to face the cruel reality
as i know
i cant stand them
but now
im glad
that i have experienced
what its like
to b a loser
i know the pain that they suffer
i can understand it

and how a loser hope
that someday
he will be able to win
and get all the things he wanted
like i am right now

many things
that i want
and i have worked fucking hard for it
but it just doesnt pay
and i know
how painful it is

as im experiencing it
and
how much more painful it is
when u realise
that
u can do nothing about it
it hurts
real bad

and i also realise
ive been too self centered all these while
which means
its no good
gotta learn to b humble
somehow
i love the way i was
when i was in indo
damn humble
no showing off
or whatever shit that im doin right now
no vulgarities
haha
guess its karma.
gotta take responsibility for each shit that ive done right?

if it is,

im gonna face it with all i am
im not gonna run away anymore
fucked up with all these escaping the reality
im gonna face em
and be stronger

new life

2008-08-20T16:12:00.003+08:00

todayy
is another day for me to pass
heh,
lets stop all the sad posts and sad stories okayy
today i've learn a lot about life
(not english, or ss lol)
now i realised
that
all that happened to me
is just a process
for me
to grow :)

and i wont stop growing
till the day i die
as there are lots of things to learn
and when i learn, im actually growing
to be more matured :D

looking through my past posts,
i feel retarded -.-
lol
for being so dumb
and being so sad
when actually
there is barely anything for me to worry.

guess im just playing with my own feeling
as i was afraid to toy around with my hunnie
taking everything seriously
which led me to fatal mess.

anyway,
lol
im doing my best to change, y'know?
to be what i want
its not gonna take a few days or months
i believe its gonna take me years to change
and i wont force myself to change
as
forcing it will results in even messier mess than what i experienced now :D
so im gonna sign off now
and start studying

tell u a secret:
my self control is coming back slowly :D

dumb

2008-08-19T19:54:00.003+08:00

feeling sooo dumb today
dont know
when does this thoughts start, and how could it bring me to this thought
makes me feeling dumb
aint gonna say it here :D
u guys just need to know im feeling dumb (lol)

so tell me
is being expressive is a sin?
if it is a sin, then i should just stop being myself
and start to be someone who everybody else wants

feeling soo-so
lol
a bit down today
as im feelin dumb right now
however
im feelin happy as well
as i have finished my dnt journal and artefact
i just need to do a touch up on my journal
to make sure that
everything is right, neat, detailed enough
etc
etc

im feeling stupiddd
and i think its not good
as i have find
my style of studying
is by mood
soooo
once my mood is ruined,
thats it
i wont be able to understand a single thing that i read
and this shitty mood
has pulled me down
and the prelims are only 2 days away

plsplspls
to everybody out there
dont let me down
(begging is useless tho)
cos
im actually already feel down
since yesterday

some stuffs happenned
and im feelin downdowndown
lalalalala
someone pls punch me
lol

anyway
mSPOON
seems happy
cos i hae dropped poa
yay
my mum understands my reasons for dropping poa
and i must take responsibility for my choice

now all i need issssssssssssssssssss
time to b aloneeeeeeeeee
to write something in this blog
to think about something fun

life has been getting hard for me these days
fuck it, i just want to sleep
LOL
guess im not having enough sleep
soo i shall sleep earlier than usual today
some of my friends said
''omg, how come ur eyes swollen?''
obviously
its because i have no enough sleep
LOL
common senseee

lazy
lazy
lazy
lazy
lazy
lazy

down
down
down
down
down
down
down
down

someone
bring me up please
rescue me from the depth of depression that im facing

pls note 1 thing:
I WONT EVER BE AN EMO
I FUCKING HATE THEM

soo
no matter what happen
i wont be an emo
no matter how sad im feelin
as i believe

someone,
out there
will stand for me

and if that someone is :
a boy: he will be my true best friend :D
a girl: she probably is the one for me :D

hope so
i will never lose hope
as hope and freedom
is what i live for :D

and for my hunn
who has given me back my freedom
a big big thank you for u :D

i dunnoe how to express my feeling to u
but believe me,
what i feel is real,
and i wont force u anymore
u can do whatever u want
its not that i dont care
but cause i trust u
and believe in u :)

sooo
thats all from someone as dumb as me today
hope my hun will read this
:)

cos
its really what im feelin right now
and i want u to know :D

^^

2008-08-16T16:15:00.001+08:00

I gently taste the love you said was for me
I am still savoring the warmth you gave
I gently taste This aromatic temptation
You have all the ways I like
You loved me too much, even agreeing to
make my life sweet like honey

Adding some milk and stirring in some shyness
It's got to be sweet enough before we can hold hands
Your love overflows and I just want to pack some in my pocket
Just so that when I think of you then I'll take a bite

I keep warm this feeling of being taken care of
Yet I worry that it will override the want

I taste the cream in your words, slippery
Every phrase I hear is tasty

Those remaining images all were skipped over
In your eyes, there's only me

I gently taste the love you said was for me
Can't bear to eat the smiling candy
I gently take a bite
Even if the amount is not much

Yet it includes all your love*
I softly smile and let the sweet taste remain
Fate walked to us and refuse to leave
Like in wafer cookies with a sweet filling

We don't need a reason to go on

lalala~

2008-08-16T01:00:00.002+08:00

hohohoho
todayy
i feel
sooo blesseddd
hahahahaa
she really made my day
thanks hunnie :)

hehehe,,
ive tear some of my plan out
thats too bad D:
next time i aint gonna tell her about any of my plan
lol

sooo
im working real hard to make the plan comes true
and im working hard for my studies as well
overall
i have been having a well balanced day nowadays
ive got all the things i need
and there is nothing left
except my goals and dreams
which will take time for me to achieve themm

and my mother called me this night
tellin me to look for my toefl result tommorrow
so i think im going to the place tommorrow...
what if i cant get the result back?
what if i failed the test?
those are the questions that keeps haunting me

damn mannn
im really afraid
that
tommorrow
i wont be able to receive my result
and
its the end for me
i cant pay the exam fees back to my parents
and i will feel extra guilty
for being careless
and forgetting to check the results

but nvm
what had already done
cannot be undone
soo
just leave everything to God
i believe
He will give me the best out of the best for me :D

soo
im gonna sleep now
too tired
too sleepy
and too much worries
i need to sleep to refreh my mind
and last but not least

i want to thank
a special person in my life
for something that she had done to me

okay
gonna end here
my eyes
are half closed already

sayonara~

fucked up love

2008-08-15T16:44:00.001+08:00

my PRIDE had let me down

karna ku sayang km ^^

2008-08-14T23:10:00.001+08:00

Seandainya kau ada disini denganku
Mungkin ku tak sendiri
Bayanganmu yang selalu menemaniku
Hiasi malam sepiku
Kuingin bersama dirimu
Ku tak akan pernah berpaling darimu
Walau kini kaujauh dariku
'Kan slalu kunanti
Karena ku sayang kamu

Hati ini selalu memanggil namamu, dengarlah melatiku
Ku berjanji hanyalah untukmu cintaku
Takkan pernah ada yang lain
Adakah rindu dihatimu, seperti rindu yang kurasa
sanggupkah terus terlena, tanpamu di sisiku
Ku 'kan slalu menantimu

hmmm

2008-08-14T17:53:00.002+08:00

long time nvr blog..
getting lazy..
nevertheless
ive got to continue blogging
for the sake of improving my english...
and to reduce my stress of course :D
just had english oral examination this afternoon..
and i talk a lot of crap..
hahaha..

another thing i learn
im more independent now
just realised it..
and finally
my old self,
which is my true self
have come back
well
not all
but 70% of it
so
soon enough
ur gonna see the real me without realising it
its coming back REAL FAST
and

i doubt she will accept me for who i am,,
but ive got to risk it right? ^^

now it doesnt really matter anymore if she does not want to accept me for who i am
as i know
she knows the best for her
and if im not the one for her
let it be
cant do anything about it
as

forcing it will results in regret

a true man never regret
so i wont force her
hahahaha

let her life her live
and lemme life my live

and we will live happily ever after
without regret
without worries

and im sorry to say this
but
i hate her when shes pretending
i wanna accept her for who she is
not her pretending self

anddd
just now
in school,
someone told me
that
if u love someone
no matter
how bad she is
or how fucked up she is
or watever it is
she will still look perfect in ur eyes
no matter when she is in her worst
when she is angry
or when she is jerking (wat does that supposed to mean? o_O)

and i just want to say
no matter
wat condition she was in
whether when she was naughty,
when she was crying,
when she was ''ngomel2'' (hahaha speially for indon xD)
when she was pissing me off

she always look perfect in my eyes

and i dont care
if the whole world were to against me
for loving her
i dont care
if i were to be left out
as long as i can stay with her
and she will always be on my side
i will be more than happy

haha..
my sis once told me
''bro...im amazed by u...this is the 1st time u can last this long with a girl''

to b honest
i have no idea as well
why should i stick with this girl
whenever she is with me
i will always
be irritated by her
but
when shes not with me
i will feel lonely
although i have a lot of friends
at school
house
everywhere
i still feel lonely
(and i feel sorry for my friends as well..hehehe...sorry guys)

and

whenever im thinking about her
i will definitely get jealous
get hurt
and here i am
wondering
why do i feel this way?

lol

one of my friends told me
''nic, u have been blinded by love''

yeah, ur prolly right
maybe i have been blinded by it
which makes me
to sacrifice
my health
my time
my friends
my studies
my needs
my freedom

but again
i cant help it
deep inside im wondering
omg, why did i sacrifice everything
including my freedom
which was the only reason for me to continue living in this world..

i wonder
wonder
wonder n wonder

omg omg
ive wrote too long already
kk
time to sign off

gotta go to check the $ my parents sent
yay~~
c yall

i want to change the world~

2008-08-06T16:54:00.001+08:00

i want to change the world
Keep on holding on your desire
You will get that shining love
That you can't wait to know
If you go on to get your goal
It's wonderland!

I felt so worried when I spout all the time
After all, the future's not lost
Because I know that there's nothing that I really want to know.
And that I met you so I could feel
What you should know
I finally find a love
And now I'm really feeling her right
'Cause the matter is gone
This is the way to love you!

I want to change the world!
Walk again, never miss the way
Don't be afraid, I'm with you
And we could fly away
If you could stay with me forever
Change my mind!
Won't get lost if your passion's true
I'm gonna fly with you again
So you could spread your wings
And you could fly with me away
It's wonderland!

Every single thing
The time and the flyin'
Til the day, I won't let you go
You will see that your desire will be granted again
It's just the feeling
You understand the travel life
It won't be to bad to face
And then it probably you will see will not be to heart
If we could walk beside you

I Want To Change The World
Walk again, Fire against the wind
Don't be afraid to be true
Cause now you have to bring
The power of your smile in your face
Change my Mind
Keep on holding on your desire
You will get that shining love
That you can't wait to know
If you go on to get your goal
It's Wonderland!
*music*

I Want To Change The World
Walk again, never miss the way
Don't be afraid I'm with you
Now we can fly away
If you could stay with me forever
Change My Mind
Won't get lost if your passion's true
I'm gonna fly with you again
So you could spread your wings
And you will fly away with me away
It's Wonderland!

yay~

2008-08-03T22:53:00.004+08:00

yayy
todayy
my hunnie's sis is coming back to singapore
which means
less stress for her,,
hahaha,,
less stress for her = less stress for me...
although im a bit sad tho :(
cos with her sis around,
she will spend more time with her sister than chatting with me
or communicating with me..
haiz,,
cant do a thing about it rite?
its her right after all
hahaha..

anyway
i have a plan up my sleeves
hohohohoho
cos we're moving towards our 3rd month together,
im planning something,,
for her of course :D
not other people

haha...
okay,,
now im gonna try my best not to be 'munafik'
anymore
(hehehe sorry for ppl who dunnoe what that means)
i wont pretend anymore
i want her to accept me for who i am
not what i am
soo
lets stop the pretend
and get real now

to b honest,
i've been thinking too much about her
dunnoe whether it is good or not,
cos she have been caring less about me lately,,
again, i cant do anything
hahaha
im sooo uselesss

dunnoe what to do,
dunnoe how to react,

i gotta think like a matured adult :D
cos im already 17 this year man
but somehow,
the thoughts to think like an adult make me sick
its like not being i am
guess i gotta change from the inside
then i can change on the outside..

omg,,
without realising it, ive been talking about her nonstop
ok ok
its time to stop
if she saw this she will probably get mad at me
ehheehehe
jgn marah yah mbemmm
ini luapan hati aq nehh (cieee)

ok
im in a total mess rite now
gotta thank my sis for what she told me this evening

unfortunately
i havent finnish my poa homeworks,
and english homework
die

i dunnoe how to solve this problem
she gonna scold me more
i must bear with it..
this is my last year already
:D
and next year
no more scoldings
i will get my freedom~~
yayy

the states with my friends, or australia with my sis n hunnie?
i have no idea right now..

im not even sure what will happen to me if i continue being like this
my heart does not feel at ease

need more care
need more love
T_T

yoha

2008-08-03T00:26:00.003+08:00

hahahahahaa
today today
i did something
but im not feeling guilty
cos i have a plan
lol..

this will determine my future

mi2 pasti mikir
halahh neh anak masi cinta monyet
wakakakakak

mungkin bner kali yah?
meneketehe
males mikir
mau cinta monyet
mau cinta bebek
mau cinta manusia
cinta binatang kek
emang gue pikirin

hahahahahahaha
yg penting gw blajar banyak nehh..
and i keep learning from her o_O

dah ahh
males nulis lg
ngantukkk
huahauhauha
thatha

lalalalala :D

2008-08-02T23:20:00.003+08:00

hahahaha
i aint gonna complain about this thing anymore :D
not gonna write them here anymore
cos ive learnt something from what has just happened to me

fuck emos
hahahaha
im not gonna stay in the dark side of this world
like the emos
enjoy ur life people
it really is not worth of being an emo
:D :D
beautiful life~~~
happy happy
no matter what happens

I REALLY WAS NOT BORN TO BE AN EMO
HAHAHAHA

monn

2008-08-02T11:18:00.002+08:00

monikkkk~~
klo lu baca
(biar kata kyknya impossible)
xDDD
gw mw kasi tau lu
barusan gw baca blog lu..
sabar aje ye mon
idup emang kyk gt
manusia mang kyk gtu
(biar kata gw ga ngerti2 amat apa yg terjadi xD)
tp tahan aja mon
Tuhan ga mungkin ngetes lu di luar batas kemampuan lu (cieeee)
yah asal lu be urself aja mon
ga usa ganti diri lu buat orang laen
kalo orang laen itu gak mau ganti diri mreka buat diri lu
huahuahauha
ini neh yg gw pelajarin d singapur
bukan belajar pengalaman mala belajar gtuan gw
wakakakakak
sssttt
jgn blg2 pa2 mi2
digamparin gw ntar
wwkwkwkwk
dah ah monnn
jgn sedih2
skali2 lu coba crita2 ma mi2 aja
mi2 bner2 best dah
pasti dia ngerti apa yg lu alamin,,
jgn ama pa2
ntar mala diomel2in jadinya
wakakakaka
yauda deh mon
jgn sedih2 lg
sakit ati ga guna jga tau
hahahaha

hajarrrrrrrrr

2008-08-01T15:07:00.003+08:00

yo
im back
to share my stress with this blog
(not with u jerks out there who is reading this xD)
hmm hmmm
i know
life is unfair
but
God is always fair
thats what i believe
whenever one is sad
someone must be happy
and whenever one is suffering
someone else must be enjoying joy

from that sentence, i can learn alot
not to take my joy for granted,
and to learn whenever im sad

but what happen when all the blames are to put into me?
omg
i guess ill just bear with it
God will never test me beyond my limit
soooo
if this situation (no details will be included xD) is happening to me right now
then my limit is far beyond this
ive gone through this situation
TONS of times in my life
so this will pass through
and im glad
that i was able to learn a lot from this experience

i learn to shut up when i dont understand a thing
hahahahahahahaha

soo
when i dont understand a maths question
better dont ask my teacher
as my teacher will put all the blame on me o_o

lalalalalalalalala
what is my fault actually?
i dont even know~!
LoL

just bear with it~
keep on bearing~~
and i will find
my true self
the most patient and happy angel (lol wtf am i talking i feel like vomiting when i wrote it xD)
anywayy~~
enough of the bullshit

of all that has been through with me
there gotta be something to learn
and i better learn
if not
i will regret it
cos
chances doesnt come twice :D
lalala
aint im one matured boy?
LOL
*vomits*

hmm hmm
guess my expressive side has returned to me
the prove is:
how the hell i can write vomits like above
omg dont u think the writing above somehow expressive?
im able to express myself clearly now!
oh yeah man
im one happy man

should it be a man?
or should it be a boy?
lol
doesnt really matter anyway
im one happy MALE
LoL
kinda lameee

gosh when can i stop being lame??
these stress has been putting pressure on me that i decided to run away by being lame~~
but its what i am
lame
stupid
dumb
not understanding
fugly (guess it stands for f*cking ugly xD)

its just me
take it
or leave it
:D

motivated

2008-07-30T19:16:00.002+08:00

studying my ass real hard :D
gogogo
now im gonna make statistics on my subjects
so that i will know
where i am
(in my opinion)

english : 4/10
maths : 3/10 :D
phycics: 3/10
biology: 2/10
geog : 1/10
ss : 4/10
dnt : 0/10
poa : 2/10

sooo
my aim is toooo
get all those subjects to be above 5 by the mid of august
i know it might be too late
but i know i can doit :D
and after thattt
im gonna make those subjects
to be 7 and above
hope i can do it
especially my dnt, poa, geography
i know im suck at them
so i gotta work my ass real hard :D

anywayy
had my haircut today as my discipline teacher asker me to cut D:
well
in my opinion
id rate my new hair to be 3/10
lol
kinda low
dont know how its gonna be when its long
guess i gotta try cutting it at funnan kimage
next month

soo
im gonna study now
c yalll
hehehehe

aAaAaAaAaAahhHhhhH~

2008-07-29T22:04:00.002+08:00

today was another fun, yet tiring, and saddening day for me
why should i get jealous soooo fucking often
tired of all these jealousy man
go die jealousy!
hate u to the core of the core (o_o whats that supposed to mean?)
finally
cos of that thing that bugs me
i do not finnish my poa homework
its hard to concentrate, u know
when something bugs u
maybe its only me, not other people,
but thats what made me hard to concentrate on my studies

haha..
today
during bio lesson
Mary really motivated me to study hard
yeah man
its just another 3 months
and the finishing line is there
waiting for me to cross over it
and when i reach that line,
rewards are waiting for me
hahaha
i still remember
dad promised me a present if i get to at least top 10 in the class
so my good classmates
lemme get to the top 10 will ya? =p

i can feel
my old self
is coming back
soon...just be patient for a bit more
and i will be back..
yeah mann

k time to sign off

getting tired already
haha

againnn

2008-07-28T22:31:00.004+08:00

its blogging time againnnn
just done my english homework :D
except for the summary
mom called just now.
she really is the key to all my problems
hahahahaha
cant find any other best solution than hers
she know me too well
LOL

sooo
i have to be more matured,
more independent,
more organised
etc, etc,

blah
now i cant care about anything else other than my studies
prelims coming soon
and i have to work real hard
oh
and
15th of august is the deadline for dnt coursework
so i better do something about it
or ill be dead :D

soooo todayyy
im quite happy
everything went as planned,
and something happened this morning,
hehehehehe
not gonna tell it to anyone
in the other hand,
im quite upset as well
cos i forgot my user name and password for the TOEFL thing
so i cant check my results
hahahahaha
guess i gotta go to the office where i had my test
im damn lazy to do thattt
anyone wanna accompany me?
=pp
lalalalala

when is our MacPherson Serve In Style day?
i want to show our beloved discipline teachers my 'true' hair
LOL

now im quite tireddd
guess gotta start to catch up already
cant afford to sleep in class starting from tomorrow onwards
gotta work real hard!
jia you to myself..
hahahahaha

k time to get off
getting tired of writing blogs...
nite people :D

blogtimee

2008-07-27T22:11:00.003+08:00

its blog timeeee~~!!!
hahahahaha
lalalala
today im feeling a bit retarded...
havent done all my homeworks
omg
mom, dad, please forgive ur useless son
i havent been studying properly all these years
and now
i regret
but
regretting is also useless
so i wont regret
what can i do now is
to study
study study study
hoamm
boring
lol
sooo
my father promised me a reward if i can get good grades in school
so im gonna work hard for it
:D
to gain my father's trust
and also
to gain my father's permission to be her boyfriend :D
im gonna work hard

my father had inspired me
hahahaha
props to him for that :)
and finally
my hunnie told me that she stop having headache these days
its all thanks to me :D
for forcing her to go to sleep every nite
LOL

im sorry hunnie
i know i force u to go to bed too often,
but i cant help it
im too concerned about u
hehehe
everytime i go to sleep its u who appears into my mind
when i lie on my bed
i start to think about u
love u too much
cant afford to lose u

okok
stop it
its getting out of control..
sooo...
yesterday i went to welvin's house
yay
it was funnnnn
but
it cost a lot of $_$
and now all i have in my wallet is :
$ 10
woo hohoooo
now im wondering how im gonna survive next week
but i believe
that God will make a way for me :D
ok now im going off
c yaa alll

yay~~

2008-07-26T00:12:00.002+08:00

wassuppp
its time to bloggg
today
is a fun yet tiring day
my body is tired,
but my mind and soul
feel somehow happy,
cos today
i just went out with my hunniee ^^
my eyes are closing soon..
so..
we went to cineleisure,
and watched dark knight there
overall,
dark knight is a quite good movie,
HOWEVER
it is a bit long
hehehehehe
so...
now im gonna sleepp
too tired already
at least tomorrow i can wake up late :D
nite folks :D

....

2008-07-25T00:18:00.001+08:00

monn..
jangan2 lu ga nganggep gw koko lu ?

lol

2008-07-23T20:59:00.000+08:00

http://ecards.nethugs.com/ivelearned.shtml

take a peek, it aint no virus :D

mon mon mon

2008-07-22T20:25:00.003+08:00

ui...
ne blog bahasa indo
lol...
puyeng jga...
monic..
kalo lu baca ini
gw mw ngmg
besok gw mau bolos skul..
jgn kasih tau mi2 ma pa2 yah
hehehehehehe
gw stres mon akhir2 ini
banyak pikiran
lama2 ubanan ne gw
sialan
lu pasti tau lah apa yg bikin gw mikir banyak
lu kan tau gw banget mon
haha..
lagian mon
gw mau bolos jga
males gw besok
bangun pagi
gw pengen
bangun siang
kesel gw
mpet ma dunia
mau mati
jgn lapor mi2 yah mon
klo lu lapor pasti gw disuru yg ngga2
hehehe
kangen mon gw ma lu orang
gw pengen sama2 lu orang aja
seneng mulu
biar kata kadang lu rese
bikin gw kesel
tp paling kaga
lu orang perhatiin gw
disini gw kurang perhatian
ampe jadi caper bngt gw d skul
kalo ga percaya tanya tmen2 gw deh mon
wkwkwk...
dah ah mon
ne bacaan buat lu ne
moga2 besok gw kaga stres kyk skrg
doain mon..
btw
titip salam buat mi2, pa2, c mewek, c centil, suster, ma buat lu jga deh mon
hahahaha
yauda
cape gw mon
ntar kapan2 gw post pke bahasa indo lg
hehehe
btw mon,,,
gw setuju ma kata tmen gw
jangan cari cinta, biarinin aja cinta yg nyari lu
gw cma mau kasi tau
ga usa ngmg lu ga nanya
wkwkwkwkwk

tired of all these

2008-07-22T20:05:00.003+08:00

post again today...
today was quite a confusing day..
i managed to get my happiness back this afternoon,
but somehow
my pain is back again tonight...
the cut in my heart is deep.
hope to get it healed soon..
im starting to be more normal compared to last time
and today

i listen less to gazette songs
i dont know why,
i just want to break free from those songs
their musics are great,
however it somehow make me to be sad,
like opening my past wounds,
by listening to their musics
its like piling up my sadness
which will explode 1 day
its like a ticking time bomb

anyway...
now im getting all my consciousness back
no more blur me (soon)
no more slow-thinking me (soon)
and when all of em come back,
there will be a happy me :D

well,,
for now,
i have a theory
lol
its about her..
hehehehe
it doesnt really matter actually,
but finally i found out that
she is caring less about me
which is good, if shes not pretending
however,
my heart is actually aching inside
y'see im not as tough as i look
in the other hand,
this might be a test from her..
which i dont know how to react to it,
but i refuse to think about it
as it will make me more n more confused
i have faith in her ^^

and all i hope
all i want
is just to have
happy and simple life...
i want my freedom from this prison
im getting tired of being sad
so my friends at school might find less angry me from tomorrow onwards
hahaha..
outside, i might not change at all, and bet u wont believe that this thing is actually affecting me
but inside, im going through a torture
confused of what to do,
i decided to be myself,
always look happy
hahahaha

anddd

because my sis complained to me,
tellin me that ''bro, write ur blog in indon lah i cant understand what u r saying''
im gonna write another
in indon
hehehehe
sorry for english-users
this is the end :D

regret

2008-07-21T22:04:00.004+08:00

yaw guys...
life has been stressing me these days..

all i want is just to have a simple, happy life
but my thoughts complicated it.
damn
i hate my thoughts
doubts keep coming into my mind
but i can do nothing about those questions that came up to my mind.
lol
so basically im a plain dumb.
feeling so useless, but yet not useless
i dont know where i am going to
this life is playing a game on me
im feeling imprisoned,
but i guess thats how its supposed to b
so that i will grow up
and become discipline

soo...
lets move on
i really long for my freedom
like my 1st year in singapore
no problems
no doubts
i could believe in myself
but now
i dont even know
why the **** cant i believe in myself?
i understand very well
that to understand each other
u have to understand urself
but how to understand urself
when u cant believe in urself

i admit
i am a BIG liar
since i was in secondary 1
until secondary 3
i always pretend to be tough,
where i know it is wrong
i just want to go back to the past
and reset all the things
i wont pretend to not to be myself
i wont pretend cos i am scared of being left out
i want everybody to accept me for who i am
not what i am
sigh..
regretting is not going to change anything
but i cant help it
but to
regret

damn this mind
damn this brain
damn this body
damn these thoughts
i just want to vomit them out
and let them go

now i bear these pain
its my responsibility to bear them
i can do nothing
but to bear it
and believe
that someday
these pain will b gone
and i will be able to restart my life once more
and never to pretend
and being who i am

just keep on hoping...

hoping.....

and hope.......

that someday, someone..

will be able to release me

from all these pain.....

just keep on hoping.....

summary of today

2008-07-21T00:07:00.003+08:00

yeah guess who's back here :D
i know i know
i posted too many in a day
but i just cant help it xD
hmm...
the title of this post is 'summary of today'
so..obviously, it will summarize everything that happened to me today
lol...
so...
what happened to me??
a lot.
hmm
in the morning, something really embarrassing had happened.
only my hunnie and me knows it
hehehe
secretsecret xD
then, in the afternoon
welvin came :D
he hasn't forgotten about me anyway
he invited me to join everybody in his house
haha
i'll go there, i promise.
once all my probs gone,
i will definitely have fun with u guys again :)
then,,towards the night,
skyped with my hun,,hehehe
then something happened D:
only us know of course :D
and my lil sis knew it also tho :(
so its not a secret between the two of us -.-
thenn finally
towards 12 AM,
chatted with my hunn
lol
my day is full of her y'see xD
oh, and not to forget 1 thing thats very extraordinary:
i have done my poa homework :D
so lets celebrate!
haha..

okay, now its time to get off
i know i've write too much
but i dont want my blog to contain a small pile of posts
as im sure when im getting busy,
i wont b able to post to this online diary D:

so, that's all for today :D
c y'all tomorrow, folks
:)

nic

a promise to remember^^

2008-07-20T22:37:00.002+08:00

i have 1 promise...
not to be broken...
cos im gonna fulfill it.
its a promise to remember
lol
so there you go~
the link to the title xD
just had a big fight..
feeling down,
but im quite glad that everything turns out well
as i planned of course :D
now im even more sure that she is my future wife..
hmm...
lets make it realistic..
the first time i became her boyfriend was about 5 %
as we move on, and go through many fights,
i became more sure
that she is the one
and now
i have reached
24%
kinda small isnt it?
i know it is, but as each day pass,
im sure it will grow
and reach 100%
when it reach 100%
i will surely give her my all
and for now
i've learnt a lesson
to trust people :D
trusting people isnt as bad as u think, y'know?
i used to trust people easily, but i always end up being used by the people i trusted.
and when im unable to trust any person,
now she make me learn to trust again^^
i shall take this chance
to thank her (if she read this)
so lemme say
thank you, hunnie, i will never go from ur side ^^
so if u got problems, u can approach me okay? :)
u taught me many things that i wont be able to learn
if i had not met u

so this is my promise to u
promise to be a better person
to never leave ur side

dari: sisi optimis, buat: sisi pesimis

2008-07-20T15:26:00.002+08:00

niccccccccc
jia youuuuuuuuuu
lu mesti sabar ngadepin diaaaaaaaaa
emang lu bakalan sakit ati kalo gini trus
tapi kalo ngga sakit ati
mana pengorbanan luuu???
hajar aja niccc
idup penuh semangat, penuh senyum n tawa
biar kata masalah numpuk, pasti bisa selesai!! :D
gogogogogo
jgn nyerah gtu aja
gw yakin koq, suatu saat dia bakalan nyadar
sgala pengorbanan lu
jadi sabar aja yah :)
gw ngerti, lu pasti kesel, marah, dll
tapi mau digimanain lagi?
yg penting jangan nyerah
soalnya skali lu nyerah
lu bakalan nyesel seumur idup
gambatte nic!
ive got ur back :)
mari kita jalanin ini semua sama2
derita kita semua kita tanggung sama2
sedih, seneng, bingung, semuanya
kita share sama2
karena itu
semangat!!!
mana semangat idup luu~!!
yg ga pernah mati
hahahaha

just wanna say:
NIC WILL NEVER DIE :D

everything will work out fine :)

2008-07-20T11:28:00.000+08:00

if she really is the one for me, im sure everything will be fine :D

racuuuuuuuunnnnnnnn~~

2008-07-20T02:54:00.000+08:00

oiiiii allll

this is myy first post yeahh~~

so im gonna write a lil bit about meehhh

i am nico, living in singapore, but next year im going off, so good bye singapore (soon)
err nico is a bit too strange, so just call me nic :D
i am 16 years old boy, this year goin to be 17 on september..yay~
okay...u might be wondering why i decided to write a blog...
its simply because...
blogging can improve ur english (maybe lol)
i always seem not to write the composition assignments that have been given to me by my english teacher...so this is to ''repay'' it... xD

i am a bit noisy at times, quiet at some times, but im crazy most of the time :D
hmm hmmm
what else?
if there is any question, please raise it and i will be glad to answer ur doubts :)

k now its time to stop...
if i talk too much on my 1st post, people will get bored also rite? :p
k then

byee~~